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“The more we do it, the more awake we become.”
That's how Sandra Lopez describes the benefits of the slow-sex practice she advocates. Lopez, a sexuality and relationships coach who discovered the slow-sex practice in 2013, is now a leader in South Florida’s orgasmic meditation (OM) community. Despite the "orgasmic" term and the fact that OM sessions might sound like low-key orgies to newcomers, she makes one thing clear: “It’s sexual, but it’s not sex.”
Lopez runs a bimonthly program called TurnOn South Florida in Palm Beach County where she introduces the concept of OM to new students. “I teach orgasm and not climax,” she explains.
In the OM practice, a woman lies on a mat naked from the waist down, legs butterflied out. A fully clothed man strokes the upper left quadrant of her clitoris for 15 minutes under a strict code of conduct, with etiquette rules, safe words, and respect. The OM practice usually takes place in an OM circle, alongside other participants, although a couple can do it privately at home. Though the original OneTaste philosophy focuses on female orgasm, there are now stroking practices for all genders.
“He’s stroking the clitoris without a goal,” Lopez explains. “You’re going to allow yourself to feel and see what’s going on in your body.”
Lopez first learned about the OM practice while cohosting a weekly Social Chats South Florida podcast about health and wellness with Tonya Scholz. They’d been talking a lot about oxytocin, the feel-good, love hormone, and their guest was a gynecologist who discussed orgasmic meditation as a treatment option for patients suffering from sexual trauma. Lopez became intrigued. Her curiosity led her to an OM conference in San Francisco, follow-up classes in New York City, and a ten-month coaching program in California.
For Lopez, the journey of discovering a deeper power in orgasm has been life-changing. Today she harnesses and incorporates it into a healthy physical and spiritual lifestyle. “Having been in a divorce, I started to build this wall and couldn’t have functional relationships with men,” she says. “I was searching for a better way to connect with men, something deeper, something more than just a sexual relationship.”
The OM practice is based on founder Nicole Daedone’s seminal and revolutionary approach to female orgasm, which she launched as a program called OneTaste in 2004. Orgasmic meditation helps women connect their orgasms to a mindful state of being instead of just a typical, goal-oriented sexual release. In a 2011 TEDx talk, Daedone claimed it’s a cultural, not medical issue that prevents women from exploring their deeper selves through orgasm. According to Daedone, “turned-on” women — the namesake of Lopez’s OM meetup — have the capacity to change the world.
Lopez, who is in a relationship but has a regular, separate stroke partner and often practices with other strokers, says it’s not about sex but rather an exchange of energy and an opportunity for a woman to pay attention, surrender, and reclaim the birthright of orgasm. “The more I practice, it’s easier for me to feel safe in my truth,” she says. “People will hide. They feel that they have control by being introverted and numbing themselves in the hurt. When you surrender and come out of control, you don’t need to hide. You feel safer. It touches a deeper side of you.”
Though participants don't consider OM a sexual act, it offers potential benefits for a more intimate, joyful, and meaningful sex life where, Lopez says, “is where women usually starve themselves the most.”
Lopez says the practice is also beneficial for men who really want to please women. “The clitoris is a mystery to them,” she says. “They don’t really know where to touch you. They come to learn how to connect with women in a way they’re not hurting you. It’s not pervy or porn at all.”
The experience is similar to Eastern traditions of tantra that stem from the desire to connect, but it takes a great deal of practice, focus, and concentration to achieve that connection. Orgasmic meditation means putting the phone down, being in the moment, and letting go of expectations.
“Men can come from a really beautiful sense of wanting to really know a woman,” Lopez says. “The experience of the energy exchange is amazing.”
Women have just as much to unlearn about traditional Western sex practices as men do, because no one really gets the manual on good orgasm at birth. The stroking process is an education and helps women to own their orgasm, become more attentive, and surrender to their own bodily sensations.
“Women tend to satisfy by stroking the male ego,” Lopez explains. “They fake orgasm to please a man. They don’t speak out and ask for what they want. This practice takes the shame out of the orgasm.”
Lopez has had requests to organize a TurnOn South Florida meetup in Miami, which she hopes to do to save sexually active Miamians the long drive. How could it make South Florida a better place? More mindful orgasms, simply put, translate into a better world.
“When we’re happier, more satisfied, we’re going to be a more united community. It’s really ultimately all about bringing community together,” Lopez says. “There’s a lot of word out there about South Florida being a rude place. There’d be a better flow if we were more connected.”
Feminism, by creating artificial scarcity of sexual resources, is responsible for much of the deadly infighting among men, as well as male suicides.
When a pedophile convicted of molesting five preschool children was released from jail after just four years behind bars, a group of angry parents reportedly took the law into their own hands and beat him to death.
Marcelo Fabian Pecollo was arrested in 2007 for abusing a 4-year-old child, reports AFP, which led to six more cases coming to light. Five of those cases went forward in court and he was later found guilty and sentenced in 2010 to 30 years in prison. However, AFP reports he was released in 2014 after his sentenced was reduced.
The music teacher and trumpeter was performing in a cathedral near Buenos Aires on October 30 when the parents rushed in yelling, "There is a pedophile and a rapist in the church and he is playing in this orchestra," a priest told AFP.
The angry parents chased down Pecollo and began to attack him. A witness told AFP one parent hit Pecollo with his own trumpet.
He later died from his injuries.
I thought this was a interesting article.
Will Female Shortage In China Bring Down North Korean Regime?
Chinese men are buying North Korean women as wives.
But it's easy for Chinese, including smugglers and human traffickers, to cross illegally into North Korea, they say, and this props up a thriving black-market border trade that helps keep the barren North Korean economy afloat.
Dandong natives such as laid-off factory worker Lao Zhou, whose picturesque home town draws tourists eager to spy on North Korea with telescopes, shake their heads when they talk about refugees.
"North Korean women make good wives. They are beautiful and hard-working," he said, echoing an oft-repeated view. "It doesn't cost much to buy a North Korean girl for a wife and just a few thousand kwai (hundreds of dollars) to get them a residency permit."
There is also a slave trade in prostitutes. The demand for prostitutes will likely rise right along with the demand for wives.
Consider the larger context for this report about wife buying and female sex trade. On my FuturePundit blog I've reported on the sex ratio imbalance in China caused by the selective abortion of females.
Li said the normal newborn sex proportion is 100:104-107, and if China's disproportionate figure is allowed to continue unchecked, there would be 30 to 40 million marriage-age men who would be single all their lives by 2020. "Such serious gender disproportion poses a major threat to the healthy, harmonious and sustainable growth of the nation's population and would trigger such crimes and social problems as mercenary marriage, abduction of women and prostitution," Li said.
Some believe this sex ratio imbalance will make China militarily aggressive and they may be right.
In a new book, Bare Branches: Security Implications of Asia's Surplus Male Population (MIT Press), Valerie M. Hudson and Andrea M. den Boer warn that the spread of sex selection is giving rise to a generation of restless young men who will not find mates. History, biology, and sociology all suggest that these "surplus males" will generate high levels of crime and social disorder, the authors say. Even worse, they continue, is the possibility that the governments of India and China will build up huge armies in order to provide a safety valve for the young men's aggressive energies.
But consider a different possibility: Chinese men may buy so many North Korean wives that North Korea will either become militarily aggressive or collapse from within. This is not implausible. Those 30 to 40 million single men in China in the year 2020 mean there wil be 3 to 4 times more single men in China than there are women in North Korea. The Chinese will be more affluent than the North Koreans unless radical changes happen to North Korea's economy. North Korea is the place where Chinese men will have the best competitive advantage in angling for wives. The other East Asian countries are not nearly as poor as North Korea and North Korea shares a long 1,416 km land border with China.
China's economy is growing rapidly. Buying power of Chinese men is rising. Even poor Chinese farmers can afford to buy North Korean women.
Lee, the former clerk, said she was fooled into believing she would have a good life in China. "One day, a man from my home town came to see me. He was looking for good-looking women from North Korea to go to China. The prettier the better. I decided on the spot to go.
"Of course, he fooled me. He said he would introduce me to a good man, a university graduate, who was looking for a wife. Then I realized North Korean women were being sold at a cheap price to rural farmers in China."
The fact that even a rural farmer in China can afford to buy a North Korean wife means that there are far more people in China with the buying power to acquire a North Korean wife than there are North Korean women.
Expect the hostility of North Korean men toward China to increase.
Ryu remembers a woman six months pregnant arriving at the camp. The baby's father was Chinese. Four guards grabbed the woman's limbs and threw her toward the ceiling over and over until the woman aborted the fetus. Ryu helped clean up the blood afterwards. "The guards said they hated Chinese babies," says Ryu. "The North Koreans hate the Chinese now, because they are rich and betrayed socialism."
China has been cracking down on North Koreans trying to cross the border into China. But official corruption in China is sufficiently widespread that black market forces will probably prevail over official policy as a consequence of the rising buying power of single men desperate for wives.
Ms Kim was picked up a year after getting married and giving birth to a daughter. Her new family pleaded for her release, arguing that the baby needed her mother because she was still breastfeeding. Ms Kim says they paid a 10,000RMB bribe for her freedom. Three years later she is well established and has a residence permit.
Chinese men will pressure the Chinese government to allow North Korean women to pass into China. The Chinese government will see these women as a source of women to reduce the frustrations of single men who can not find Chinese wives. Chinese leaders are going to have to weigh the foreign policy and domestic policy consequences of their border policy with North Korea. If they continue to clamp down this may just encourage more corruption.
Chinese money is also going to flow to North Korean border guards and officials and corrupt them as well. This is already happening. So the North Korean guards are not all immune to the enticements of cash in exchange for looking the other way. As living standards rise in China and the female shortage worsens the amount of money available for smuggling women out of North Korea will rise.
The shortage of women in China may end up posing an existential threat to the Pyongyang regime more powerful than anything US policy makers are likely to do. North Korean leaders might react to this threat by engaging in market liberalization reforms aimed at raising North Korean living standards enough to reduce the level of desperation of North Korean women.
The regime in North Korea faces a more general economic threat from China because of rising wages in China. The higher the wages go the greater the incentive for Northeast China factory managers and other businesses to turn to the black market to supply cheap North Korean labor. This will pull both men and women out of North Korea. Will that destabilize the regime more or less than the selective removal of women from North Korea?
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