Home | Index of articles
Farmers Branch, Texas: My arranged marriage thrived after my marriage for ‘love’ died
William L. Ward 3778 Baker Avenue Farmers Branch, TX 75244
We rarely recognise our own prejudices and so it takes something significant to open our eyes. The challenge to my fixed views started with a call from my husband’s boss. “Can you come and collect a box of your husband’s stuff from the office?” he asked. “We’re swapping desks, you see.”
We were recently married and my new husband was away on business. This was a strange request not least because we lived in Guildford, Surrey and his office in Twickenham in south-west London wasn’t exactly around the corner. I responded with the sensible suggestion that the stuff be left under his new desk and that on return from his business trip, he could bring it home himself. “But,” said my husband’s boss, “there are confidential things like cheque books. We don’t really want to leave it here.”
“Fine,” I said and set off by car to collect the box. Back at home, I placed it in the hall thinking nothing of it until later in the day. In the evening, I lifted off the lid and at the top was a cheque book, just as I had been told. It was what lay underneath that would change my life irreversibly in ways I could never have foreseen.
Although we had met at university, there was nothing else predictable about us. He was German and had been brought up in Australia. His commitment to the idea of us was such that not only did he choose to live in the UK, but he converted to Islam to marry me. And what a wedding. We celebrated in a French chateau high on a hill among chequered fields lined with grapevines. Every detail was perfect. The dress, the speeches, even the wedding meal, which went on for hours and included an assortment of delicious hand-selected vegetables picked that morning from the chateau gardens. Afterwards, we flew to the Maldives for an idyllic honeymoon on an island no bigger than the chateau in which we were married.
So what had I to fear? In the box, underneath the cheque book was a letter. It was handwritten, addressed to my husband care of his office and revealed that he was involved with another woman.
After this discovery, there was, I confess, nearly a bunny boiler episode during which I confronted my husband over the phone, cross examining him on every detail. I structured it as a form of entrapment during which at first I didn’t reveal the fact I knew everything. Great practice for a trainee lawyer. (Tip for soon-to-be-divorcees – don’t do this!) And then there was the call to the woman to let her know her boyfriend is married. She didn’t know. (Tip for soon-to-be-divorcees – do this!)
By the time the divorce was final, I had lost all faith in romantic love. It was, in my estimation, an illusion arising from indoctrination by endless romantic movies and children’s fairytales. I threw myself into my legal career.
I wonder if it possible to want something and not want it with equal and opposite force? I didn’t want to live my life alone and had always wanted children. And the idea of remaining unmarried was also virtually unacceptable for girls from my cultural and religious background. We were taught from early childhood the sacred importance of creating and maintaining family bonds, and that the breaking of a family bond is to cut yourself off from the mercy of God.
Article continues below the image
After some years, I landed a great new job and decided to take a break before starting. I had always wanted to learn more about my heritage and family and a trip with my mother to visit my grandmother in Pakistan seemed like the perfect way to do this. I decided to interview her. I took recording equipment and prepared my questions carefully. As I had a limited grasp of the language, I also knew that recording the interviews would enable me to get help translating the answers I didn’t fully understand.
The trip was amazing and my grandmother was an inspiration. She took to the idea of being recorded with relish. She even read out poems she had written in between my questions. The interviews took place each morning for about an hour. Afterwards, my mother and I would visit relatives, shop in the amazing marketplaces of Lahore and enjoy delicious freshly made curries with chapattis and rice. On street corners, for pennies, we bought paw paws the size of watermelons, thought nothing of eating 50 satsumas between us in one sitting and enjoyed endless hours of chatting and togetherness with friends and family.
I understood my mother and grandmother meant well, so I went along with these strange, uncomfortable meetings About a week into our visit, when relatives arrived to see us, I noticed a strange man in the corner of the living room. He was wearing a shirt that was about two sizes too small for him and a fixed grin he directed towards the coffee table between us. He was introduced by my uncle by name, but nothing more. More such men started appearing randomly at restaurants and gatherings. They would come and join us at the table or hover near a wall, like the tall man who was directed to sit next to me at a takatak restaurant (the name is onomatopoeic from the sound of the cooking process. Curries are chopped rhythmically as they are cooking on giant circular hotplates by men wielding what look like wallpaper strippers in each hand). I attempted a conversation with that particular man, but he didn’t reply. He smiled and looked away with every question I asked, like a shy child.
And then there was the man who was the spitting image of the subway ghost in the movie Ghost. I discovered these meetings were my grandmother’s attempt at arranging a marriage for me. I wasn’t fazed. I was a strong, independent woman. I could handle this. I explained politely that I wasn’t interested in an arranged marriage. I had so little in common with someone brought up in Pakistan and, anyway, the minimum requirement for me, if I were to be fussy, was the ability to thread words together to form a sentence. However, I understood my mother and grandmother meant well, so I went along with these strange, uncomfortable meetings.
Both my grandmother and mother had had arranged marriages, which is hardly surprising. They were born and brought up in India and Pakistan and that was they way things were done. My grandmother had never even set eyes on her husband before their wedding day. She told me she was so keen to get a glimpse of her husband-to-be that she climbed on to an upside-down bucket in the bathroom and peered out of a small window as he left. I, on the other hand, considered myself to be modern British Asian and there was no need for that archaic practice any more. I would meet Mr Right myself and things would be wonderful.
Except they weren’t. Mr Right had been anything but.
The day before we were due to leave Lahore, a friend of the family came to visit the relative with whom we were staying. He and his son – a young, handsome, intelligent man – were unaware that my mother and I were visiting from London so were thrilled to be meeting us. His son walked over from the other side of the living room and introduced himself. He sat beside me and we spoke about my time in Lahore, my life in London, the business he had started and much more. I noticed my grandmother’s eyes on us from the corner of the room. When his father indicated it was time to leave, he asked if I would mind if he emailed me. Without hesitating, I noted down my email address and we exchanged telephone numbers. As he left, he smiled at me. A smile that held nothing back (my sister would later refer to it as his “winning smile”).
Almost as soon as we landed back in London, my grandmother had already discussed the possibility of marriage with the family friend and a proposal was made. A few months later, Kamran and I were married.
Before getting married, I felt conflicted. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing, but I decided to challenge my fears and reservations and dive in.
The wedding took place over several days. It was colourful and loud with bhangra dancing and great urns of the most delicious food. Afterwards, we travelled several hours to Murree for our honeymoon, a stunning town in the foothills of the Himalayas. From the balcony of the hotel, we could see clouds below us in the valley.
Marrying in this way was the best decision I have ever made. Now I see an arranged marriage as more of an introduction service, like online dating.
We now have two sons and are very much soulmates. I cannot imagine my life with anyone else and it is amazing to think this all came about from a willingness to open my mind to an alternative possibility.
I realise now that the rigid views we hold can limit our lives. It isn’t easy to recognise them and harder still to change them. I had always understood this from my work as a discrimination lawyer, but it took these extremes of life experiences to finally break down my beliefs about how to find a life partner and, hopefully, a match made in heaven.
Gorham, Kansas: Japan's high-tech love dolls evolving with the times
Norman D. Brito 3921 Sigley Road Gorham, KS 67640
TOKYO - Sex may be necessary for human procreation, but it's also a business. In Japan, much of it operates as part of the so-called underground economy, wherein massive amounts of money are believed to circulate.
Some sex-related businesses operate completely in the open, and particularly when it comes to dealing the sales of commodities as opposed to services, we are on firmer ground as far as scale of the business.
In recognition of the 40th anniversary of Orient Industries (Oriento Kogyo Co Ltd in Japanese) -- Japan's most exclusive manufacturer of ersatz female companions --- weekly business magazine Shukan Economist (June 27) delves into the subject of love dolls.
From May 20 to June 11, Orient Industry feted its anniversary with a special exhibit of its products titled "Love Dolls: Then and Now." Starting with the company's first product, named "Hohoemi" (Smile), which was launched in 1977, visitors were able to see how the mannequins have evolved over the past four decades, achieving an increasingly lifelike skin texture and physical appearance.
The old term used here for such products -- with no offense intended to the good citizens of the Netherlands -- was "Dutch Wife." The term supposedly originated from the Europeans who colonized the Dutch East Indies, the region around present-day Indonesia, who in order to cool themselves off on steamy tropical nights devised a rattan or bamboo tube the size of a small person that they would embrace in bed. The perforated woven structure being cooler than fabric pillows or sheets, the rationale went, the sleeper's body could be better exposed cooling breezes.
Those Dutch Wives of yore have come a long way. Shukan Economist's writer pointed out that many even today may still associate love dolls with the cheap, inflatable types sold in some "adult toy" shops. But Hohoemi represented a major breakthrough in that "she" was solid, composed of layers of natural latex. If sawed in half, one could see how the layers, resembling tree rings, were applied.
The dolls initially made news in Japan when it was reported that Japanese scientists had taken along several to keep them company at their experimental station in Antarctica.
After two decades of research and development, Orient Industry in 2001 announced the sale of its first generation of models using silicone. This gave the dolls' skin a more lifelike texture and was less cold to the touch.
"Many purchasers are men who have divorced, or widowers, or those with physical handicaps who have problems finding a partner," the article describes, noting that the company sells about 400 of its dolls per year. Its basic models are priced at about 700,000 yen, but many customers opt for various accessories (English URL here), pushing up the average selling price to around 800,000 yen.
"There are customers who use them for practical reasons (i.e., sex), but lately more people have been buying them just to appreciate looking at them," said Orient's president, Hideo Tsuchiya. "Maybe they're lonely and have nobody to talk to. Some find it relaxing just to talk to them."
The dolls are also finding other applications. One is for use in clinical training at Showa University's School of Dentistry. Dolls are also reportedly utilized in criminal courts, to reenact details of crimes before jury members so as to convey a sense of reality.
"We've been resisting the notion of making dolls that can speak, or move mechanically," says Orient's Tsuchiya. "Likewise, we have no plans to equip the dolls with artificial intelligence. That's because it's the owner who imparts them with a spirit."
Rather than high-tech enhancements, Tsuchiya said he'd prefer to find a means of holding down prices to "make the dolls more affordable."
Over the two weeks of the exhibit, more than 10,000 people are said to have flocked to Orient's showroom located in Tokyo's Ueno district adjacent to the famous "Ameya Yokocho" shopping street. The company told Shukan Economist some 60% of its visitors were female.
Alt-rights that are against Third World immigrants, against Muslim refugees, or against gay men got it wrong. Feminism is the enemy. Nothing else. And because women are natural cowards, the more violence there is, the quicker they will abandon feminism.
Cambridge, Massachusetts: Suicidal Pedophile
Charles M. Perkins 1695 Stadium Drive Cambridge, MA 02141
I'm 19. I'm depressed and suicidal. I've been housebound for over 4 years and have very bad mental health including Autism, Selective mutism, an eating disorder and body dysmorphic disorder.. I've been a pedophile since I was a young child, perhaps age 7 but I'm not quite sure. I was always attracted to other children. mainly boys. I didn't know what sex or sexuality was, I just knew I had these feelings and a couple of times acted on them with friends. I was younger than 10 when it happened, I didn't even know what I was doing. I haven't done anything with children since then. I am devastated that if people only knew I had these feelings they would be likely to ostracise me or hate me.. Is anyone who doesn't know this about me ever truly on my side? Would any friendship I have actually be real? I don't have friendships or socialise with people.. I'm not able to do much in life except eat sleep and watch tv shows.. but I'm now even scared of watching tv shows or movies incase there is a pedophile storyline.. i watched 3 movies in a row and all of them ended up having pedophile storylines.. one of my favourite sci-fi shows went and did a pedophile storyline as a main thing across a whole series.. I used to love watching stand up comedy as it made me laugh and i could be happy.. but now they all do pedo jokes and I hate it.. it just reminds me how hated I would probably be if people knew. I don't want to live any more I even bought some stuff online from a euthanasia company to end my life.. and it's in my room staring at me everyday.. Please don't tell me not to kill myself as it would do more bad than good. Does anyone have any tips on how I can stop focusing on what other people think? I don't look at any illegal material but I do masturbate to legal nudist images and videos. I mainly do this when I've heard something or thought something that makes me feel hated for being the way I am as I find it comforting.. like I'm getting some sort of revenge on the people who make me feel bad for feeling this way. I don't even like masturbation.. I find it annoying and messy. I'd much prefer to be asexual and never even think of sex at all but that can't happen sadly. I just want to be accepted despite my sexual interests.. :(
Hey, glad you found your way here to express your thoughts. Keeping it all inside at all times can just progressively make the world look even worse and more hopeless place than before, which simply fuels these depressive thoughts even more.
Movies and mainstream in general are ignorant about the terminology and use "pedophile" due to its imminent shock value. I just watched CSI and the summary of the episode said it had a "serial pedophile" in it. What on earth is that even? Someone who serially wakes up each day choosing to find kids attractive? Is it a person who feels attracted to children in a weird serial manner? The term they should have used was serial child molester and I knew this, so I simply entertained myself with these thoughts. What I'm trying to say is that when people express their hate toward "pedophiles", whether in the form of jokes or opinions, they mean people who act on their impulses. The idea of a non-offending pedophile never even crosses their mind, because no one has told them about it. The lack completely this concept, which is ironic, since it can be argued most pedophiles are indeed non-offenders. Remember when we read papers we don't read articles about decent pedophiles leading ethical life but we only see news about sex offenders.
I'm not going to insult your intelligence by simply saying the cliche "just don't think about what other people think". I want to make you understand why they think that way. No one can hate "all" pedophiles, since that would be practically impossible given how many of them there are. Rather, they hate inside their head the stereotypical image of a pedophile, which obviously is a child molester or rapist. But you know you are neither. If you were, you certainly wouldn't have written that particular post.
I have told one of my friends I'm a pedophile and he took it extremely well. So yes, people can be on your side, even if they knew about your condition. Besides what you see attractive in the privacy of your own head is none of their business, so don't feel bad about not telling them you are a pedophile. However, If you choose to tell someone make sure he/she is 100% trustworthy. Don't make quick judgements about whom you trust with that secret lest you make a big mistake.
I don't normally offer the 'get help' line as I think it can be counterproductive and lead to people feeling even more isolated (after all, it confirms the desperate feeling of 'I'm broken, I need fixed, I'm defective'). However, once somebody mentions suicide I feel that the 'get help' advice is fitting. Imagine that help as a plaster until the wound has healed enough to be in a better position to help yourself. See a doctor for your suicidal thoughts. You don't have to explain why those thoughts may have come about.
One other thing I would say is that we are much more than just our sexuality. I love little girls, and I always will, but I'm not going to abuse anyone, and I'm no danger to society or to anyone in any way. I am very content with who I am and my sexuality and I wish everyone could feel that relaxed (after all, who is less likely to abuse out of someone who's relaxed about who they are and someone who's distressed). Yes, it's a shame that most people will offer the automatic platitudes when confronted with emotive subjects, but there's only one group of people who can change their minds with exemplary behaviour and watertight morals. People don't know about the specifics of what turns me on, but that doesn't mean they don't love me for me. Some things are simply private.
I really feel that at this stage you should address the suicidal thoughts as a medical issue for the time being, quite apart from whatever may be causing those thoughts. And keep posting here because you're in the right place for understanding and support.
Very much agree with both of the above posts. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I am not a paedophile myself and I know you sound like a great person, someone I could be friends with...doesn't that tell you something?
The above comments are quite right in saying that, of course your friendships are real. People love you based on who you are, and what they assume you to be (someone who wouldn't harm anyone), and this is exactly who you are. So you aren't 'deceiving' them in any way. Your sexuality is private, so long as you do not act on your thoughts.
I definitely recommend you seek help for your suicidal thoughts and start learning how to accept and like yourself as a person. It's the first step. Best of luck
Why is sex so important? Because love is anyway just an illusion.
Loveland, Colorado: Profile of Child Predator Nathaniel Bar-Jonah
Jonathan L. Cato 3187 Pick Street Loveland, CO 80537
Nathaniel Bar-Jonah was a convicted child predator that was serving a 130-year prison sentence after being found guilty of repeatedly molesting, torturing and attempting to murder children. He was also suspected of killing a child and then disposing of the body through cannibalistic ways that involved his unsuspecting neighbors.
Nathaniel Bar-Jonah was born David Paul Brown on February 15, 1957, in Worcester, Massachusetts.
As early as age seven, Bar-Jonah demonstrated severe signs of depraved thinking and violence. In 1964, after receiving a Ouija board for his birthday, Bar-Jonah lured a five-year-old girl into his basement and tried to strangle her, but his mother intervened after hearing the child screaming.
In 1970, 13-year-old Bar-Jonah sexually assaulted a six-year-old boy after promising to take him sledding. A few years later he planned to murder two boys in a cemetery, but the boys became suspicious and got away.
At 17 years of age, Bar-Jonah pled guilty after being arrested for dressing as a policeman and beating and choking an eight-year-old boy who he ordered into his car. After the beating, the child recognized Brown who was working at a local McDonalds and he was arrested, charged and convicted. Bar-Jonah received a year of probation for the crime.
KIDNAPPING AND ATTEMPTED MURDER
Three years later, Bar-Jonah dressed as a policeman again and kidnapped two boys, made them undress and then began strangling them.
One of the boys was able to escape and contact the police. Authorities arrested Brown and the other child was located, handcuffed inside his trunk. Bar-Jonah was charged with attempted murder and received a 20-year prison sentence.
While incarcerated Bar-Jonah shared some of his fantasies of murder, dissection, and cannibalism with his psychiatrist who made the decision in 1979 to commit Bar-Jonah to the Bridgewater State Hospital for Sexual Predators.
Bar-Jonah remained at the hospital until 1991, when Superior Court Judge Walter E. Steele decided that the state had failed to prove he was dangerous. Bar-Jonah left the institution with a promise from his family to the court that they would be moving to Montana.
MASSACHUSETTS SENDS THE PROBLEM TO MONTANA
Bar-Jonah attacked another boy three weeks after his release and was arrested on assault charges, but managed to be released without bail. A deal was made that required that Bar-Jonah join his family in Montana. He also received two years probation. Bar-Jonah kept his word and left Massachusetts.
Once in Montana, Bar-Jonah met with his probation officer and disclosed some of his past crimes. A request was made to the Massachusetts probation office to send more records regarding Bar-Jonah’s history and psychiatric past, but no additional records were sent.
Bar-Jonah managed to stay away from police until 1999 when he was arrested near an elementary school in Great Falls, Montana, dressed as a policeman and carrying a stun gun and pepper spray. Authorities searched his home and found thousands of pictures of boys and a list of boy's names who were from Massachusetts and Great Falls. Police also uncovered encrypted writings, decoded by the FBI, that included statements such as 'little boy stew,' 'little boy pot pies' and 'lunch is served on the patio with roasted child.'
Authorities concluded that Bar-Jonah was responsible for the 1996 disappearance of 10-year-old Zachary Ramsay who vanished on his way to school. It was believed that he kidnapped and murdered the child then cut up his body for stews and hamburgers that he served to unsuspecting neighbors at a cookout.
In July 2000, Bar-Jonah was charged with Zachary Ramsay’s murder and for kidnapping and sexually assaulting three other boys who lived above him in an apartment complex.
The charges involving Ramsay were dropped after the boy's mother said she did not believe Bar-Jonah killed her son. For the other charges, Bar-Jonah was sentenced to 130 years in prison for sexually assaulting one boy and torturing another by suspending him from a kitchen ceiling.
In December 2004, the Montana Supreme Court turned down Bar-Jonah’s appeals and upheld the conviction and 130-year prison sentence.
On April 13, 2008, Nathaniel Bar-Jonah was found dead in his prison cell. It was decided that the death was a result of his poor health (he weighed over 300 pounds) and the cause of death was listed as myocardial infarction (heart attack).
The future of the world will be that it is ruled by China, and Western men will be the sex slaves of Chinese women. Because Chinese men have big brains and small penises, but Chinese women want big ones.
Parsippany, New Jersey: Signs of a Loose Vagina and How to Tighten it up
Michael E. Hess 39 Granville Lane Parsippany, NJ 07054
Does the problem of loose vagina really exist? Sometimes you can find claims that such a problem doesn’t really exist. The reason for this is excessive concern, which is often not justified, especially in young girls who are just entering into sexual relationships.
The truth is, the vagina is incredibly elastic organ. The vaginal walls are pressed against each other but when a woman is sexually aroused the vaginal walls relax to accommodate the penis of any size. It is necessary for normal and painless sexual intercourse that will provide pleasure for both partners. Soon after sex vagina returns to its original state. This will happen even after childbirth. Although it will take some time due to extreme stretching during delivery.
However, the vagina can lose its elasticity for several reasons. Also in some cases pelvic floor muscles can weaken which leads to a feeling of looseness down there. Multiple childbirth increases the possibility of a problem with loose vagina. This is the most common reason for the occurrence of the problem. Other reasons include, aging, surgery and being overweight. Women with weakened pelvic floor muscles often have a trouble with incontinence. This happens especially while sneezing, coughing, or laughing.
Many women stop enjoying sex after they go through childbirth or when they are closer to menopause. Does it really have to be so? Of course not! First of all it is important to determine whether a problem really exists or not, so you can take the necessary steps. Here are some simple ways to test if you have a loose vagina. If most of your answers to this test is “YES”, chances are you have a loose vagina.
Signs of a loose vagina
Insert three fingers simultaneously into your vagina. If you don’t feel significant resistance of your vaginal walls, it could be a sign that you have a loose vagina.
If you have problems with urinary leakage.
When you have sudden urge to urinate just before losing a large amount of urine.
Try to grip your index finger in your vagina. If you have difficulties to do this, it could be also a sign that you have a loose vagina.
If your vagina not closes back when you are not aroused.
When you have a hard time achieving an orgasm unlike before.
If you have difficulties to satisfy your partner unlike before.
If you need to insert larger objects into your vagina for stimulation and arousal.
Every man easily can become a Muslim. Just have to say the Shahada before some witnesses. And here we go.
Port Angeles, Washington: Going Once - Teenager Hopes to Auction Off Her Virginity
Boris H. Jones 393 Boone Crockett Lane Port Angeles, WA 98362
While human rights activists strive to prevent human trafficking, others voluntarily turn to trading their bodies and seem to be okay with that. For a girl named Kim, swapping her virginity for some wheels and a good education seems like a pretty good deal.
Have you ever thought about the bounty your own body could represent? The ways to sell it are more varied than you might expect. Donating blood is probably the most widespread and noble method of legally selling yourself — or, in most cases, giving it away. Selling a kidney would definitely mean more money, but it's not legal everywhere, and can also bring truly terrible long-term side effects. It's generally discouraged — unless the organ is needed to save someone's life, of course.
Kim is harkening back to one of the oldest trades in the world: she's set up an auction… to sell her virginity to the highest bidder! And at quite a price: Kim set the starting bid at $112,000.
"Should I give my virginity to a man who later on maybe will break up with me or is it better to take a lot of money instead?" her offer, published on the Cinderella Escorts website, reads.
Cinderella Escorts is a website from Germany, where prostitution is legal. The company agreed to become an intermediator for Kim in exchange for as much as 20 percent from a successful deal.
"You can send us a binding offer for her virginity. The buyer can check her virginity of course again from a doctor the buyer trusts," the website reads.
Kim says she wants the money to fund studies in Germany or Austria.
But why would she do that? Turns out, Kim is going to put the money to a good use: to study in Germany or Austria. Education is a noble cause, no doubt — so noble that Germany not long ago made its public universities tuition free. (Though according to topuniversities.com, this is not going to last long. Hurry up, Kim!)
The teen also says she hopes the sale will bring in enough to pay her for an apartment and "maybe also buy a car." With the change, apparently.
Kim's not the first person to sell her virginity — one might say Western society only recently abandoned that practice, in fact — but if she does, she's got a high bar to reach. Eighteen-year-old Aleexandra Khefren in March sold her own virginity to a Hong Kong businessman for more than $2.5 million, and pledged to spend the money on an Oxford University. There is no news on whether the transaction has been finalized.
The Bangkok Yanhee Hospital has been offering penis enlargement surgery for some time. The latest craze, however, are Botox injections into the penis. Prices are about 300 USD. Effects last half year.
Home | Index of articles