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Statesville, North Carolina: How long do couples in arranged marriages wait before having sex
Robert T. Winstead 2042 Harry Place Statesville, NC 28677
Arranged marriages are not a thing of the past. Not yet. Two strangers in a marital cord do not enjoy the same level of intimacy and romance to begin with and need time to get close, both emotionally and physically. Therefore, it is always a subject of mystery as to how much time these couples take before they can consummate their marriage.
A Quora thread discusses this issue, and the answers are convincing and brutally honest. In case you were curious about it too, here are the answers which would give you a peep into the lives of such couples:
An anonymous woman shared her husband’s reaction on their first night
My husband and I waited for 2 months to have sex. My husband was the first & the only match my parents looked into for me. Our families met & approved. Then we went on a couple of dates & hit it off.
I had a notion that men going for an arranged marriage are usually looking for virgin wives, & in some cases with literally not even a non-sexual ex-boyfriend. Even as a child, I found that insulting. I didn’t want to get married to such a guy. What kind of regressive values would he impart to my future children? Even though he didn’t strike me as one, I kept everything on the table. I had a long term relationship, we broke up, & another serious relationship just didn’t happen. I stated that I’m obviously not a virgin, and I’m not ashamed of it. So, if he’s looking for a virginal woman, I’m not it. And even if I was, I wouldn’t want to get married to a guy who expected that of me. I said all this when me & my now-husband weren’t even close enough to hold hands. His reaction? He laughed so hard! He asked me if I thought he was a guy from 1950s or just an obnoxious jerk. He said he’s glad I shared it with him, & went on to tell me about his past. He said even though he didn’t have a preference, he didn’t expect to have a virgin wife. A grown-ass virgin woman comes with her hang ups & he didn’t want to have to ‘teach’ anyone stuff in late 20s.
We got engaged, & married after a month. Since everything happened so fast after our engagement due to a one-month wedding prep time, our relationship didn’t grow during that time.
After the wedding ceremony, we were driven to a hotel. I still remember it. This is how are ‘first night’ went.
4am-4.20am – Checked in
4.20am-4.40am – I sat, he knelt on both knees, & held my hands. He told me how beautiful I looked, how lucky he is to able to call himself my husband now, & showered me with the best compliments ever!
4.40am – He realized I was too uncomfortable in the wedding attire to even sit, & started helping me unpinning my heavy ass palla[veil].
7am – We were done taking off my palla[veil], a million hair & safety pins, hair extentions, makeup, & jewelry.
7am-8am – We bathed, changed into our regular clothes, & had breakfast
8am – We lay on the bed, half a foot apart but holding hands, & talked about all the things that happened at the wedding. Somewhere while talking, we fell asleep.
7pm – His friends woke us up with a door bell. We had a couple of rituals, & took off for our honeymoon the next day.
It was an 8 hour flight. We got off the plane & went straight to our hotel. To be honest, that’s when I finally realized I was on a HONEYMOON! PEOPLE GO ON HONEYMOON TO HAVE SEX! All the first-night jokes my friends cracked were coming back to me. My husband had paid for a 2-week UK tour for us himself. He didn’t take money from his dad, my dad, or even from my savings despite my repeated insistence. And I have a lot of male friends, so I know how guys think. He was spending a lot of money, & guys usually expect action when they splurge on a girl they aren’t in love with. So yes, I was shitting my pants.
It was late, so we unpacked & had a light dinner at the hotel. He went to the hotel’s gym, & said: “Wait up for me if you’re not too tired”
It was time for sex. I was literally shivering as I walked back to the room. I know he was my husband, but we hadn’t even kissed yet. I was in no shape or form ready to get intimate with him. I thought I should pretend to fall asleep, but for how many days could I do that? I didn’t want to disappoint him the first night of our honeymoon by being the ‘I have a headache’ wife. He had been so nice to me. But then, I didn’t owe him sex just because he was being nice. But, his sister-in-law had specially accompanied me for lingerie shopping, & gotten me the ‘first night’ dress. [So creepy!] I know it makes no sense, but I was feeling like a slut as I was about to have sex with a guy I barely knew. I didn’t feel like his wife yet! But what option did I have? The black babydoll was lying on the bed & I was trying to summon the courage to put it on. Then I heard: “Don’t you think it’s too soon to wear that? I just wanted us to go for a walk.”
I hadn’t realized I had spent a whole hour thinking & he was back from the gym. The pressure was so much that I, a 24-year-old grown ass woman, burst into tears, all the while chanting “Thank you”, “I’m so sorry”, “I can do it if you want”, “I can’t do it”. He hugged me & held me tight to calm me down. What he told me next honestly laid the foundation of our relationship.
“You’re my wife & we didn’t get married for you to please me. I didn’t get a chance to meet you as a regular girl, and I regret that. I didn’t get a chance to be your friend, then fall for you & pursue you, & take you out on a first date. We didn’t get a chance to build a relationship. We jumped directly to the last step of getting married, but I still want us to have a healthy relationship. I still want to go through all those steps. You are my wife, & I don’t want to strip you of your self respect with your clothes. I don’t want you to just lay on your back as I claim my husband rights. You will some day be the mother of my children, & I want to keep you on that pedestal always. We will someday make love, but you don’t owe it to me. Let it come naturally, & we’ll enjoy every step of falling in love as it comes”
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If I think back, that was the moment I started falling in love with him. I had never expected a real man to have this sort of a thought process.
Another Quora user talked about how pre-marital sex made their married life easier:
Ours was an arranged marriage, but we did not wait till our wedding to do what couples do on their special night.I am a normal looking guy and I graduated from IIT. Now being from a premier institute makes the following things easy – 1) Most of the guys have never been in a relationship before 2) There is no dearth of marriage proposals on matrimony sites.
Being of the right age to get married (according to my parents), a profile was made on one of the websites and the search began. We visited a few families and at last we came to the house of my to be wife. She was sweet looking and I was struck with infatuation at first sight. According to the Indian customs, the bride and groom are given some time to get to know each other. She told me that she has never been in a relationship before. My friends (mostly boys and few girls), had told me to ask that one question which everyone wants to know. Is she a virgin ? I wanted to know that. (NOTE: I am not against pre-marital sex. I just wanted to know because I was a virgin and did not know what to expect on our first night). I did not ask her.
Marriage was soon fixed. There are rules prohibiting to be husband and wife to meet before wedding. But neither of us, adhered to them. We went on a couple of dates. I met her friends, she met mine.One day, I was at her flat. Her roommate was also there. We were happily chatting away our time. Her friend suddenly said, that she needed to go out and get some groceries. She went away.
Now, both of us were all alone, in her flat and there was pin-drop silence. Both of us had been on a couple of dates before but we were never in such a situation before. To break the ice, she started talking about something. After a few minutes, there was again complete silence. She came close to me and kissed me on the cheek. I was awestruck. I was unable to fathom what just happened. She then told me to kiss her back. I was reluctant at first, but then I thought that she can consider breaking off the marriage because of this incident. I kissed her back on the cheek. They were simply small pecks as in what you give to a child.
After that she started hugging me and not like a normal hug, but those really tight hugs which you give to your partner. I also held her tight in my arms and was enjoying my newly found intimacy for the first time. Then the inevitable happened. I became rock hard under. The stick inside my pants had to steal away the joyful experience we were having. I pushed her back so as not to poke her and scare the shit out of her. By then, it was too late. She had realized that I was turned on.
She started undoing my shirt buttons and pulled away my pants. I was shit scared. I had watched porn before, but I was now clueless. She was leading the entire thing. We did it at that time. It was the first time for both of us and it felt really good.
After that day, we did it like rabbits. Sometimes at her place, sometimes at mine and sometimes we booked a room. We were both happy. We got married and on the night of our marriage we were both comfortable with each other. Having had sex before, neither of us were in a hurry. Moreover, we were so tired that we just slept.
Another anonymous Quora user shared his experience:
“She was lying beside me and that is when the reality stuck. You don’t do sex just for the heck of it. It has to be enjoyed and felt and we both knew it wasn’t going to be the case.”
Going through the answers, one realizes that contrary to popular belief, there are so many couples out there who take their own time to get comfortable around each other’s existence. Sometimes, years. And even without a physically intimate relationship, these couples lead perfectly happy lives together.
Marquette, Michigan: Lingerie model gets 'designer vagina' after REFUSING doctor's advice to grow her bikini line out
Tommy K. Hall 2527 Pinewood Avenue Marquette, MI 49855
A lingerie model has gone under the knife to get a "designer vagina" to resolve a painful problem with her genitals.
Tracy Kiss, 29, endured pain every single day, whether she was walking along the street, working out or even sitting down.
The single mother-of-two was left fearing she had "deformed" genitals, but a doctor told her the problem was down to excess skin and recommended growing her pubic hair out.
Tracy, who opened up about the problem on 5STAR's Don't Tell The Doctor, chose to undergo surgery instead as she feared the look would not go down well in the modelling world.
Seeking the advice of Doctor Belinda Fenty on the new show, the Buckinghamshire native revealed how she feared her vagina was "deformed".
Speaking to the doctor, who works in gynaecology and antenatal medicine, at her home, Tracy explained how the intimate issue affected her - saying she often had to awkwardly adjust herself in public to try and alleviate the pain.
After attempting to self-diagnose using the web, the model admitted that she had been left scared after viewing a string of responses, choosing instead to seek a definitive answer.
"I’ve only seen [my vagina] when I took a photo to see where the pain was coming from, I was so surprised really in the difference in size and shape and it looks like it’s deformed," she told the programme.
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"I think I have excess skin, but I don’t know what to compare it to see how much."
But Doctor Fenty put her fears to rest as she explained the cause of the pain following an examination.
The medical professional told Tracy: "It does not look deformed. The left side looks bigger than the right side, but that is absolutely within the normal range but that’s probably what’s giving you your problem.
"I can see that your inner lips are hanging lower than your outer lips, that is definitely what it going to be causing your problems."
Reassuring the model that she wasn't suffering from any abnormalities, the doctor suggested that Tracy grow out her bikini line to provide a bit of cushioning.
"'I do lingerie modelling and I don’t know how well that would go down," explained Tracy.
"I already think I have quite a big bulge in the skin and think if I have a big bush of hair it would look quite obvious in lingerie."
Choosing instead to take a more drastic approach to solving her issue, she opted to undergo a labiaplasty.
The procedure, also known as vulval surgery, involves the removal of excess skin from the vagina lips.
Heading to eminent cosmetic and reconstructive surgeon Angelica Kavouni's Harley street clinic, Tracy went under the knife.
Staying awake for the procedure, Tracy had a local anaesthetic, while the surgeon seared off the small piece of flesh that had been negatively affecting her.
Despite the painful post-op recovery period, the hopeful model said: "I will get my life back and it's more than worth it."
Women, especially when they get older, shit and stink, and when they shit anyway, and they enslave men, and are ugly, and they fuck around when they have the opportunity. No such problems with sex dolls, and they don't shit. Let's invest in a future without women.
Bastrop, Texas: How Sex Addiction Became A Diagnosis
Justin B. Williams 1434 Short Street Bastrop, TX 78701
There’s a long history of using medical language to explain socially unacceptable sexual appetites.
Last month, former congressman Anthony Weiner pleaded guilty to charges related to sexing with a 15-year-old, declaring, “I have a sickness, but I do not have an excuse.”
Weiner’s seeming inability to stop sending sexts to a minor, despite all the personal and political consequences he knew he could face, has touched off a debate around the dubious science of sex addiction. Weiner’s actions put him in a long line of famous men — from Tiger Woods to David Duchovney to Josh Duggar — who argue that their sexual behavior reflects an addiction.
For the most part, modern medical professionals are skeptical about the science of sex addiction. But there’s a long tradition of using medical language to explain socially unacceptable sexual appetites.
Sex addiction as we currently understand it became part of the public discussion around 1980, as Barry Reay, Nina Attwood and Claire Gooder of the University of Aukland explained in a 2012 paper.
After the country had experimented with two decades of free love, disco clubs and shifting gender and sex roles, there was a serious pushback to sexual promiscuity, particularly coming from conservative Christians and certain strains of feminism. Rising concern about addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling provided an easy way to talk about destructive sexual behavior. The term “sexual addiction” was broad enough to encompass any sort of sexual thought or action that made people feel guilty or ashamed.
“Its success as a concept lay with its medicalization, both as a self-help movement in terms of self-diagnosis, and as a rapidly growing industry of therapists on hand to deal with the new disease,” Reay and his colleagues wrote.
Today, when we talk about sexual addiction, we’re often talking about the danger of people retreating from “real life.” Framing it as addiction helps us understand why men like Weiner and Woods would wreck their marriages and careers for fleeting encounters. Checklists of sexual addiction symptoms include items like “thinking of sex to the detriment of other activities” and “neglecting obligations such as work, school or family in pursuit of sex.”
A long history of pathologizing sex
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For thousands of years, doctors have worried that excessive or inappropriate sexual behavior would harm men’s ability to function in productive, socially appropriate ways. In the days of early Christianity, cultural studies scholar Elizabeth Stephens explains, medical texts warned that “excessive” ejaculation depleted masculinity.
She quotes historian Peter Brown’s description of the belief among Roman doctors that “no normal man might actually become a woman, but each man trembled forever on the brink of becoming ‘womanish.’ His flickering heat was an uncertain force.”
If the link between ejaculation and weakness was a longstanding concern, it took on a sudden new urgency in the 19th century, Stephens wrote. In the 1830s, French physician Claude-François Lallemand “discovered” spermatorrhea, a malady roughly comparable to sex addiction. Noting the asymmetrical testes of a man who had died of a cerebral hemorrhage, he concluded that the unfortunate man’s troubles began with the excessive discharge of semen.
Suddenly doctors were seeing spermatorrhea everywhere. Doctors compiled long lists of the purported disease’s symptoms, including decreased sexual desire, “erections and emissions upon slightest excitement,” nervous asthma, cowardice, poor memory and insanity.
Doctors believed the most significant cause of spermatorrhea was masturbation, Stephens wrote. The treatments ranged from exercise and cold bathing to injections of acetate of lead, blistering of the penis, and occasionally, castration.
Stephens argued that “many of the concerns about non-reproductive male sexual practices in the nineteenth century derive from an unease about modern indulgences making men soft, weak, incontinent, and undisciplined.”
Race, class and sexual panic
In the 19th-century U.S., this medical panic had a lot to do with a rapidly changing society. Middle-class young men were leaving rural areas and seeking upward mobility in the growing cities. Historian Kevin J. Mumford explained that this new freedom demanded individual self-control. Reformers warned that men who succumbed to urban vice “were likely to be found wanting in virtually all manly endeavors, especially in the pursuit of profit,” he wrote.
If spermatorrhea was a great threat, being susceptible to it was also seen as a mark of civilization and racial superiority. Nineteenth-century racial “science” held that black men were utterly lacking in self-control and prone to becoming rapists, yet they were in no danger of the physical and mental damage that sexual licentiousness caused white men. That meant, Mumford wrote, that by exercising sexual self-restraint, men “not only avoided sexual disorders but also distinguished themselves as white.”
Medical attitudes toward women’s sexuality also took a sharp turn in the 19th century. Before then, according to historian Carol Groneman, Western doctors generally believed women were as lewd and lascivious as men, and that female orgasm was necessary for pregnancy. But as men left their farms and home workshops for jobs in the industrializing economy, cultural belief in the differences between men and women’s sexual desires grew. Now, middle-class white women were seen as naturally nurturing and civilizing, and excessive female sexual desire was a threat to social order.
Groneman described an 1856 account by a gynecologist of a married 24-year-old woman who came to him complaining about her lascivious dreams about men other than her husband. The doctor instructed her to reduce her intake of meat, take cold enemas and swab her vagina with a borax solution. “If she continued in her present habits of indulgence, it would probably become necessary to send her to an asylum,” he wrote.
In other cases, gynecologists treated what they now termed nymphomania —defined rather ambiguously as “excessive” female sexual desire — with surgery, removing women’s ovaries and clitorises.
By the turn of the 20th century, Groneman writes, nymphomania was closely tied to all kinds of “dangerous” female behavior, including lesbianism, prostitution and agitating for economic and political rights.
For both women and men, the concept of sexual disorders in the past was broad enough to encompass all manner of social and economic upheaval. That’s still true today. As the cases of Weiner and other prominent men suggest, we can use “sex addiction” to mean being bad at monogamy, committing actual sexual crimes, or simply lacking the self-control to put long-term goals ahead of momentary pleasure.
The truth is, psychiatrists now generally don’t consider sexual addiction to be a real disorder. The American Psychiatric Association left it out of the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders after studies found little evidence to support the “addiction” label. For example, people who exhibit the behaviors we call sexual addiction don’t show the same patterns in brain activity as those who are addicted to drugs. “Sexual addiction” may actually be a loose collection of traits like high sex drive and lack of impulse control.
But history suggests that the way we think about sexual disorders isn’t just about medical evidence. It’s about our understanding of self-control, and the expectations we have for how men and women are “normally” supposed to behave.
When asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30 percent of women said, 'Yes', while the other 70 percent replied, 'What, again?'."
Former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, 2011
Redwood City, California: One Thousand Cuts… Terrifying Ancient Chinese Torture and Execution Methods
Robert M. Saenz 553 Rardin Drive Redwood City, CA 94063
While today we use boring methods of execution so as to preserve the humanity of both the executioner and the executed, back in the day they really didn’t give a shit about the people they punished. In fact, humiliation and suffering were important aspects of torture and execution, and no one did this better than the ancient Chinese. They were highly creative and seriously sadistic in their methods, and liked to do things slow and steady, often prolonging death for days. Below are some of the methods used in ancient China to torture and execute prisoners:
Also known as “slow slicing” or “death by a thousand cuts,” Lingchi involved the removal by knife of flesh from the body in small pieces and small, non-deadly cuts to limbs and torso. After chunks of flesh had been removed from all of the limbs, they were amputated from the living torso. The executioner made sure not to bleed the victim too much in order to prolong death until the final cuts to the throat or heart were made. Lingchi was brutal and slow, and a punishment that carried on into the afterlife, where it was said that a person killed by lingchi would not be whole after death. According to Sir Henry Norman in his book The People and Politics of the Far East, the executioner sliced off pieces by “grasping handfuls from the fleshy parts of the body, such as the thighs and the breasts…then the limbs are cut off piecemeal at the wrists and the ankles, the elbows and knees, the shoulders and hip. Finally the victim is stabbed in the heart and his head cut off.” Lingchi was one of those brutal torture methods that were photographed in the 1800s with the advent of the camera, so there are a lot of scary photos of this one!
Flaying, or the removal of skin from the face or body of a person, was practiced all over the ancient world, but the Chinese were very fond of it. Customarily, it was done with a sharp knife, carefully slicing into the dermis and removing the skin of the face in one piece. Many Chinese emperors and empresses loved flaying their detractors, The Hongwu Emperor in particular – he ordered the flaying of 5000 women in 1396. The skins were either stuffed with straw or nailed to a wall to show off to any potential enemies of the state. I also found a particularly gruesome story about flaying with mercury, whereby the victim would be buried upright to the neck, and have two cuts made in the scalp and mercury poured into them. The weight of the mercury would cause the skin to separate from the flesh, and when the victim writhed in pain they would slip from their skin like a banana from the peel. I couldn’t find anything to back this up, but it sounds awesomely fucking sadistic!!!
Bamboo grows at an insane rate, sometimes feet per day, so the Chinese took advantage of this by using it to slowly kill prisoners in an excruciatingly painful way. The prisoner would be suspended above shoots of living bamboo that had been sharpened to a point. As the bamboo grew, it would slowly pierce the victim’s flesh and grow into their bodies to pierce their organs. Nobody had to get their hands dirty, the bamboo did all the work. I can’t imagine the terrifying feeling of the bamboo pressing into my flesh, knowing that it would inevitably enter my body.
The Wooden Horse
According to the Chinese historical documents known as the Twenty-Four Histories, a woman who was convicted of conspiring to kill her husband with her lover was often punished with a device known as a wooden horse. This was basically just a sharpened wooden stake that she was hung above, with the tip in her vagina, and then she was cut down, allowing the stake to enter her body and pierce through it until it came out the top. Holy fucking hell that is disgusting!!!
The Nine Familial Exterminations
As well as creative torture and execution methods, some Chinese emperors were especially brutal when it came to whom suffered at their hands. The Nine Familial Exterminations is a good example – when a person was condemned for crimes like treason, the emperor may also choose to punish eight other levels of their family, which meant their children, parents, grandparents, siblings, siblings in-law, parents in-law, aunts and uncles, often by a method like lingchi. In one case, that of Fang Xiaoru, a scholar in the Ming Dynasty who refused to write the inaugural address for the incoming emperor, he asked that ten levels be executed, so the emperor also included his students, and executed a total of 873 people.
This is the latest deal offered by the Islamic State. You want to die the best possible death, then you have to blow up your brain. It's the only death that is instant and painless. We tie a bomb around your body and send you into a populated area. You don't have to die alone, and you don't have to pull a trigger. We do that by remote control.
Jackson, Mississippi: Tainted Saint - Mother Teresa Defended Pedophile Priest
Jeff M. Reilley 1222 School House Road Jackson, MS 39201
The death of journalist and polemicistChristopher Hitchens last month gave those familiar with his work a chance to revisit one of his more controversial subjects: the Albanian nun Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu, better known to the world as Mother Teresa. In his 1997 book, The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice, Hitchens argued that the "Saint of Calcutta," who founded and headed the internationalMissionaries of Charity order, enjoyed undeserved esteem.
Despite her humanitarian reputation and 1979 Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa had set up a worldwide system of "homes for the dying" that routinely failed to provide adequate care to patients, Hitchens argued — an appraisal shared by The Lancet, a respected medical journal. Mother Teresa also associated with, and took large sums of money from, disreputable figures such as American savings-and-loan swindler Charles Keating and the dictatorial Duvalier family ofHaiti.
Notwithstanding these black marks on an otherwise sterling reputation, Mother Teresa — who died in 1997 and is now on the fast track to a formal proclamation of sainthood by the Vatican — was never known to have been touched by the scandal that would rock the Roman Catholic Church in the decade after her death: the systematic protection of child-molesting priests by church officials.
Yet documents obtained by SF Weekly suggest that Mother Teresa knew one of her favorite priests was removed from ministry for sexually abusing a Bay Area boy in 1993, and that she nevertheless urged his bosses to return him to work as soon as possible. The priest resumed active ministry, as well as his predatory habits. Eight additional complaints were lodged against him in the coming years by various families, leading to his eventual arrest on sex-abuse charges in 2005.
The priest was Donald McGuire, a former Jesuit who has been convicted of molesting boys in federal and state courts and is serving a 25-year federal prison sentence. McGuire, now 81 years old, taught at the University of San Francisco in the late 1970s, and held frequent spiritual retreats for families in San Francisco and Walnut Creek throughout the 1980s and 1990s. He also ministered extensively to the Missionaries of Charity during that time.
In a 1994 letter to McGuire's Jesuit superior in Chicago, it appears that Mother Teresa acknowledged she had learned of the "sad events which took [McGuire] from his priestly ministry these past seven months," and that McGuire "admitted imprudence in his behavior," but she wished to see him put back on the job. The letter was written after McGuire had been sent to a psychiatric hospital following an abuse complaint to the Jesuits by a family in Walnut Creek.
"I understand how grave is the scandal touching the priesthood in the U.S.A. and how careful we must be to guard the purity and reputation of that priesthood," the letter states. "I must say, however, that I have confidence and trust in Fr. McGuire and wish to see his vital ministry resume as soon as possible."
The one-page letter comes from thousands of pages of church records that have been shared with plaintiffs' attorneys in ongoing litigation against the Jesuits involving McGuire. (The documents were also shared with prosecutors who worked on his criminal cases.) It is printed on Missionaries of Charity letterhead but is unsigned, and thus cannot be verified absolutely as having been written by Mother Teresa. Officials in the Missionaries of Charity and the Jesuits did not respond to requests for comment on its provenance.
Yet statements throughout the letter point to Mother Teresa as the author. The writer speaks of "my communities throughout the world" and refers by name to Mother Teresa's four top deputies, calling them "my four assistants." Rev. Joseph Fessio, a Jesuit and former University of San Francisco professor who knew Mother Teresa, said the reference to her assistants is an "authentic" aspect of the letter.
The letter could have an impact on the near-complete process of canonizing Mother Teresa. In 2003 she was beatified by Pope John Paul II, the penultimate step to full sainthood.
"What we see here is the same thing we see over and over in regard to the [priest pedophilia] scandal — the complete lack of empathy for, or interest in, possible victims of these accused priests," said Anne Rice, the bestselling author of novels including Interview with the Vampire and a former Catholic who has been outspoken in her criticism of the church's handling of the sex-abuse scandal. "In this letter the concern is for the reputation of the priesthood. This is as disappointing as it is shocking."
Other documents that have emerged in the criminal and civil cases involving McGuire could affect the sainthood prospects of another deceased religious leader eyed by the Vatican for sainthood. Among the newly uncovered church records are letters by Rev. John Hardon, a Jesuit who also worked extensively with Mother Teresa and died in 2000. He collaborated with then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, on the Catechism of the Catholic Church, a landmark summation of contemporary church doctrine. In 2005, the Vatican opened a formal inquiry into whether Hardon should be made a saint.
But statements by Hardon in his letters could complicate that process. The documents reveal McGuire admitted to Hardon that he was taking showers with the teenage boy from Walnut Creek whose complaint led to McGuire's psychiatric treatment. He also acknowledged soliciting body massages from the boy and letting him read pornography in the room they shared on trips together.
Despite these admissions, Hardon concluded that his fellow Jesuit's actions were "objectively defensible," albeit "highly imprudent," and told McGuire's bosses that he "should be prudently allowed to engage in priestly ministry."
The postulators, or Vatican-appointed researchers and advocates for sainthood, assigned to investigate Mother Teresa and Hardon did not respond to repeated requestsfor comment.
While it is unclear exactly what impact the new documents will have on the evaluation of both figures for sainthood, the evidence of involvement by two prominent and internationally respected Catholics in the McGuire sex-abuse scandal is likely to cause consternation among critics of the church's handling of predator priests. The situation is aggravated since McGuire went on to abuse more children after suggestions to return him to ministry were heeded.
"We're talking about extremely powerful people who could have gotten Father McGuire off the streets in 1994," said Patrick Wall, a lawyer and former Benedictine monk who performs investigations on behalf of abuse victims suing the Catholic Church. "I'm thinking of all those post-'94 kids who could have been saved."
It is unknown exactly when Hardon, McGuire, and Mother Teresa first crossed paths. But chances are good that the first time they all found themselves together in the same place was in San Francisco in 1981. It was the 800th anniversary of the birth of Saint Francis of Assisi, the city's namesake. Hardon invited Mother Teresa, who attended celebratory services at which she was introduced to McGuire, according to Fessio, who was present.
Fessio, who today heads the Ignatius Press, a Catholic publishing house in the Sunset District, said Mother Teresa was impressed by McGuire's reputation as an erudite, engaging preacher. She arranged to have him perform retreats — based on the Spiritual Exercises bySaint Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuit order — for her missionaries around the world. "She was always looking for priests to say mass for the different places in the world where she had missions," Fessio recalled.
In McGuire, she found a priest whose strict adherence to traditional Catholic practices matched her own views. Mother Teresa was an extreme conservative on questions of religious doctrine. She declared during her speech accepting the Nobel Peace Prize that abortion was "the greatest destroyer of peace" in the modern world. McGuire was likewise stoutly orthodox in his public persona, requesting that women wear long skirts in his presence and often assailing other Jesuits for their relatively tolerant approaches to political and social issues.
Some insight into the reverence the Missionaries of Charity held for McGuire and his retreats and sermons can be gleaned from letters sent to Wisconsin Circuit Court Judge James Carlson, who oversaw the trial that resulted in McGuire's first conviction in 2006.
Sister Nirmala, Mother Teresa's successor as the superior general of the Missionaries of Charity, wrote, "He was one of the very few priests to whom ... Teresa of Calcutta entrusted the spiritual care of the Missionaries of Charity through retreats, seminars and spiritual guidance wherever possible."
Sister Mary Christa, another nun with the Missionaries of Charity, wrote, "Father's immense love for Jesus Christ radiated brilliantly through his every word and gesture, and his whole concern was to inspire the Sisters with a more intense desire for holiness. His wisdom, immense knowledge of Holy Scripture, and saintly manner of life made a profound impression on all of us."
But McGuire's holy veneer concealed signs of a dark side that were already evident to select church officials long before he met Mother Teresa.
Documents that have emerged in the criminal prosecution of McGuire and civil litigation against the Jesuits over his actions show that suspicions about the priest were brought to his higher-ups beginning soon after his ordination in 1961. During his first teaching assignment, at Loyola Academy in Wilmette, Ill., he molested at least two boys, whose cases led to his first criminal conviction decades later.
The Jesuits, who have formally apologized to McGuire's victims for failing to adequately control the priest, have nevertheless asserted in legal filings that they should not be held liable for the harm he did to children during his career. In a June 2011 motion in a lawsuit filed against the Chicago Province of the Society of Jesus, the order's lawyers asserted that McGuire is "an evil and perverted man who used his substantial intellectual gifts and his dominating personality to disobey every tenet of his faith and his vows as a cleric."
One of the best-documented instances of abuse in McGuire's record is one in which neither the victim nor his family chose to pursue litigation against the church. Jesuit records show that in April 1993, a devout Catholic man in Walnut Creek came forward with the complaint that his 16-year-old son, who traveled with McGuire as his personal assistant, had looked at pornographic magazines, showered, and masturbated with the priest.
Following this complaint, McGuire was removed from active ministry and sent to Saint John Vianney Center, a psychiatric-treatment facility for clerics in Pennsylvania. It was there that Hardon — whom the victim's family had requested investigate their allegations — interviewed McGuire and chose to exonerate him. After six hours of face-to-face talks at the hospital, Hardon wrote to McGuire in a January 1994 letter, "I firmly expressed my belief in your innocence of any sexual misbehavior."
McGuire returned to his order at the beginning of 1994, but his future, including the extent to which he would be allowed to interact with families and children as a priest, was still unclear. Hardon's letter to McGuire reveals that the errant Jesuit still worried that the sex-abuse allegations lodged against him would mar his prospects for continued work with Mother Teresa, work that considerably enhanced McGuire's prestige among other Catholics to whom he ministered.
"You expressed your deep fear that despite your proven innocence of all charges, somehow you would nevertheless not be allowed to continue your retreat ministry to Mother Teresa's sisters," Hardon wrote. At the conclusion of his letter, Hardon indicated that the matter would soon be resolved in direct consultation with the "Saint of Calcutta" herself.
"And so, Don, this is the state of the question on this eve of my departure for Calcutta, India, where, with your permission, I will be communicating with Mother Teresa about your situation and your future," he wrote.
A letter written less than a month later, on Feb. 2, 1994, appears to contain an answer to the questions about his future with the Missionaries of Charity that dogged McGuire after his release from treatment at Saint John Vianney. It is addressed to Brad Schaeffer, Provincial, or head, of the Chicago section of the Jesuits. (While McGuire's ministry took him across the U.S. and into foreign countries, he was officially under the supervision of the Jesuits' Chicago Province.)
The letter is not signed, though it begins with a handwritten salutation in Mother Teresa's characteristic looping script. It is unclear whether additional pages are missing from the document, or whether the writer simply failed to attach a signature. Clues throughout the letter, however, indicate that Mother Teresa is the author. The writer refers to "my communities throughout the world" and praises McGuire's preaching to "my novices in our new novitiate in San Francisco" in 1982. (Novices are aspiring nuns who have not yet taken vows.)
More significantly, the writer refers to "my four assistants, Sisters Mary Frederick, Priscilla, Monica and Joseph Michael." In 1994, the councilors general of the Missionaries of Charity — a group of four senior nuns who directly advised Mother Teresa, and were subordinate to no one else in the order — were Sisters Frederick, Priscilla, Monica, and Joseph Michael (Upon taking vows, nuns sometimes assume the names of male religious figures).
"That's authentic, mentioning those people," Fessio said. "Those were herfour councilors."
(View the original letter, and other documents mentioned in this story in the "details" box.)
Nuns at the primary U.S. office of the Missionaries of Charity, in New York City, referred all questions related to McGuire to the Mother Teresa Center in San Ysidro, Calif. Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, postulator for the sainthood cause of Mother Teresa and director of the center, did not respond to calls and e-mails seeking comment.
Schaeffer, the letter's recipient, is now the rector of a Jesuit community in Brighton, Mass., and serves on the board of trustees of Boston College. He did not respond to phone messages. The Chicago Province of the Jesuits also did not respond to requests for comment.
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If Mother Teresa did write the letter to Schaeffer, it is unclear how much she learned about the circumstances under which McGuire was disciplined. The letter states, "During his recent visit to Calcutta in the past month, Fr. John Hardon, S.J., brought a letter to me from Fr. McGuire, describing the sad events which took him from his priestly ministry these past seven months. Fr. Hardon explained ... how he had established Father's innocence of the allegations against him. Father Hardon said that Fr. McGuire admitted imprudence in his behavior."
SF Weekly could not obtain the letter written by McGuire that is mentioned, or find anyone who had seen it. Following the exhortation that McGuire be returned to active ministry, the Missionaries of Charity letter concludes, "We, in the Missionaries of Charity, will do all in our power, to protect him and the Priesthood of Jesus Christ which he bears, when he once more takes up his mission with us."
Tariq Ali, the British intellectual who produced and co-wrote with Hitchens the sharply critical 1994 documentary film on Mother Teresa, Hell's Angel, said the letter fit with what he described as the nun's pattern of consorting with dubious personalities.
Among the problems chronicled in Hell's Angel were substandard care for the poor who filled her hospitals, and her willingness to accept money from notorious figures such asJean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier of Haiti, who presided over a brutally repressive regime under which most Haitians lived in abject poverty. Duvalier's own lifestyle was luxurious, thanks to revenue from his participation in the drug trade and practice of selling dead Haitian citizens' cadavers overseas. Mother Teresa once posed for a photograph holding hands with Duvalier's wife, Michèle.
"When Christopher Hitchens and I made the film on her, the research was impeccable," Ali said. "She was close to dictators. She took money wherever she could. The care in her hospitals was poor. It was just one nightmare after another. From that time on, I saw her as a total fake," Ali said. The letter, he added, "would only be surprising if one saw her as a moral person, and I don't."
Anne Sebba, a biographer of Mother Teresa, said the founder of the Missionaries of Charity had never before been tainted by knowing involvement with a pedophile priest. However, she said the nun's response to criticism of her coziness with figures such as the Duvaliers and savings-and-loan scamster Charles Keating — for whom she pleaded for leniency during his trial and eventual conviction on fraud charges — was that she was practicing forgiveness in line with Christian ideals.
"Her answer was always that any miserable sinner deserved to be given a chance to do good," Sebba said. "She argued that Jesus always offered redemption, and no sinner was beyond redemption."
In McGuire, Mother Teresa encountered a challenge to that belief. After his return to ministry in 1994, McGuire would see eight new abuse allegations lodged against him by boys' families. In 2006, he was found guilty of molesting two boys decades earlier at theLoyola Academy. In 2008, he was convicted in federal court of taking a boy across state lines for the purpose of sexually abusing him. According to federal prosecutors, McGuire probed the boy's anus with his fingers during "massages," examined his penis with a magnifying glass, and looked at pornography with him.
McGuire has maintained his innocence of the charges against him, asserting that his victims fabricated stories to secure financial settlements from the Jesuits. His Chicago-based lawyer, Stephen Komie, said that McGuire's appeals of his state and federal convictions were unsuccessful, however. "He's going to die in prison, absent a pardon, and I don't think that's in the cards," Komie said.
The father of the Walnut Creek boy whose abuse allegation prompted McGuire's psychiatric treatment in 1993 said the information in the new documents is unfortunate, but not shocking. "That McGuire fooled Father Hardon and Mother Teresa like he did so many others is disappointing, but not a surprise," he said. "It shows that a person doesn't have to be a mind-reader in order to be a saint."
A second Walnut Creek man who says McGuire abused him as a child, and who is participating in a lawsuit against the Jesuits, reacted to the letter that might be from Mother Teresa more strongly.
"I was totally blown away by it," said the man, who is identified in court records only as John Doe 129 and whom SF Weekly is not identifying by name because he is an alleged victim of childhood sexual abuse. "I just don't know how somebody supposedly so saintly, supposedly such a protector of the weak and the poor, could be so indifferent to it," he said.
Hardon's letter to McGuire, as well as the letter that appears to have been written by Mother Teresa, indicate it was Hardon who personally carried news of McGuire's situation to Calcutta. It is thus important to understand how much Hardon knew when he visited Mother Teresa in January 1994. On this front, newly uncovered documents show the Jesuit in an unflattering light, and may have a serious impact on his prospects for sainthood.
In addition to his January 1994 letter to McGuire, Hardon wrote a detailed explication of his knowledge of and involvement in McGuire's case to Schaeffer, the Jesuits' Chicago provincial, in November 1993. The father of the alleged abuse victim from Walnut Creek had requested that Hardon personally intercede to assess exactly what McGuire had done to the teenage boy. At the time, Hardon was an internationally known and beloved priest who had staked his reputation on championing a conservative strain of Catholicism, not dissimilar to McGuire's, that was often at odds with the beliefs of his more liberal-minded fellow Jesuits.
During a visit to Saint John Vianney, Hardon had a frank conversation with McGuire in which the latter admitted to taking showers with his alleged victim, asking the boy to massage his body, and allowing him to possess pornography in the room they shared while traveling. McGuire denied additional allegations that he had touched the boy's genitals and watched him masturbate.
Hardon was apparently satisfied with what he heard. As he wrote to Schaeffer, "Regarding showering, Fr. Don said that it was true, but the picture is not one of a lingering sensual experience. It was rather the picture of two firemen, responding to an emergency, one of whom was seriously handicapped and in need of support and care from the other."
On the body rubs: "Regarding the massages, Fr. Don said they were done with attention to modesty and were necessary to relieve spasm at the 4th-5th lumbar disc and the right leg, involving the sciatic nerve." (The fourth and fifth lumbar vertebrae are at the bottom of the spine, just above the buttocks.)
And the dirty magazines: "Regarding pornography Fr. Don said that there were Playboy andPenthouse magazines, which he neither got nor threw away."
Hardon concluded in the letter, "I do not believe there was any conscious and deliberate sexual perversity." He added, "I do believe Fr. McGuire was acting on principles which, though objectively defensible, were highly imprudent." He also concluded that another serious charge against McGuire, that the priest had violated the seal of confession by disclosing private information about the boy during an argument with his father, was unfounded.
The 1993 victim's family did not respond to requests for comment regarding the revelations in the letters. Other observers, noting the blasé manner in which Hardon speaks of a priest showering with a teenage boy and his unconcern with a supposedly orthodox cleric's tolerance for porn, say the letter will cast a shadow on the late Jesuit's reputation.
"I will never look at John Hardon the same way again," said Wall, the former Benedictine monk.
Phil Lawler, editor of Catholic World News, said the letter could be a stumbling block for the sainthood cause of Hardon, who is still in the early stages of being investigated by Vatican deputies. The most rigorous review of a candidate's life typically comes prior to the first milestone in the process, called veneration. Following that are beatification and canonization.
Lawler described Hardon's statements about McGuire as "shocking."
"What will it do for his cause? It will slow it down," Lawler said.
Rev. Robert McDermott, a priest in theArchdiocese of Milwaukee and postulator for Hardon's cause, initially agreed to review Hardon's letter about McGuire and comment on it. After receiving it, he did not respond to subsequent calls and e-mails from SF Weekly.
Lawler said the letter apparently written by Mother Teresa, by contrast, is unlikely to stop her from clearing the final hurdle of canonization.
"I think her reputation is safe," Lawler said. "It doesn't fluster me that she would try to help a friend, and didn't know what was going on. Her reputation is so safe that, even if this is a negative, it doesn't much weighon it."
The extent to which the new documents will influence the canonization of either Hardon or Mother Teresa should, ideally, only be assessed after a thorough investigation of what both figures knew about McGuire, and how much influence their advocacy on his behalf had in the disastrous decision to return him to ministry in 1994. But in light of the church's past lack of diligence in dealing with priestly abuse, that might be a lot to hope for.
Mother Teresa is perhaps the most famous and popular Catholic religious leader of the second half of the 20th century, rivaled only by the late Pope John Paul II. Hardon's cause is likewise dear to senior officials in the Vatican. The investigation into his potential sainthood was initiated by Raymond Burke, the cardinal and former archbishop of St. Louis who is now prefect of the Supreme Tribunal of the Apostolic Signatura — a position that could be described as the chief justice of the Catholic Church's supreme court.
Lawler pointed out that dozens of American bishops who protected known child molesters in the clergy remain on the job today. Will similar efforts to shield a predator by figures of possibly saintly stature haveany fallout?
"You asked me whether this matter could affect the progress of Father Hardon's cause [for canonization], and I said that it definitely would. It might have been more accurate if I had said it definitely should," Lawler said. "I hope that people would recognize this as a serious issue that demands attention. But this is an issue on which the record of the American Catholic hierarchy is still not good."
Southfield, Michigan: How men from Africa and Asia can easily migrate to Europe - Western African route
Joe E. Johnson 220 D Street Southfield, MI 48075
The route between Senegal, Mauritania and Morocco and the Spanish Canary Islands was once the busiest irregular entry point for the whole of Europe, peaking at 32 000 migrants arriving on the islands in 2006.
But the numbers dropped by 60 per cent in 2007 following bilateral agreements between Spain and Senegal and Mauritania, including repatriation agreements. Strengthened border controls, including the installation of the SIVE maritime surveillance system, also helped, along with the Frontex-coordinated Operation Hera.
Migrants on this route were mostly from Morocco and Senegal, with others from Niger, Nigeria and Mali. They generally travelled in long wooden fishing boats, known as cayucos; migrants from Morocco use smaller fishing boats called pateras.
The numbers continued to drop from 2007, until by 2012 there were just 170 arrivals in the Canaries. The figure remained stable for the next two years, although it rose to 874 in 2015.
The Moroccan smuggler operation is not well developed. Sea passages tend to be arranged by individuals working independently, serving clients who have made their own way to the coast rather than using the services of organised networks. Small boats found on Lanzarote containing very small numbers of migrants gave strong indications that drug smuggling was the primary goal of these journeys.
Arson is the terrorism of the future. No need to fly Boeings into skyscrapers. A few canisters of fuel will do the job. Attackers can buy their weapon at any gasoline station, and risk just 2 years in prison.
Miramar, Florida: Scandalous Books That You Should Read, If Only For The Sex
Christopher L. Milam 3366 Ridenour Street Miramar, FL 33025
So many novels are published each year that most of them ago completely unnoticed. Once in a while, a book makes a stir: perhaps it sold for an exceptionally large amount of money or is already being turned into a movie. Very rarely is a book truly scandalous — we reserve what little is left of our pearl-clutching tendencies for television.
In the era before TV and movies completely overtook literature as the popular entertainment du jour, however, novels caused their fair share of scandals. Racy content in books, whether full-on orgies or just teenagers having sex, was seen as damaging to society and encouraging of poor moral fiber. In the U.S., books with explicit sexual content were often banned for obscenity, forcing authors to release their novels in France or Italy, where authorities were unconcerned with prosecuting English-language books, instead.
Thanks to the legal challenges from publishers in the 1960s, we no longer have to worry about censors banning books for obscenity (or banning them at all, really). We can happily revisit the novels that set our grandparents’ hair on end (or in a few cases, our great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents) and ushered in out current era of terrible moral degeneracy. As tame as they may seem now, each of the following 14 books caused a scandal when they first came out. Sure, you can read them for their literary and historical value, but if you just want to check out the sexy bits, well, I won’t judge.
Although you're probably used to thinking of Joyce's modernist masterpiece as an avant-garde tome taken on by only the most ambitious of readers, when the novel first came out, it was mostly notorious for its sexual content. Censors in both the U.S. and U.K. agreed with Virginia Woolf's notoriously unfavorable assessment of the novel and banned it as obscene.
Flowers In The Attic
This book and its sequels gleefully embrace one of our society's last great taboos — incest — and then pile dramatic twist after dramatic twist on top. Though it was published as adult fiction and banned in many schools, the novel's most devoted fans were teenage girls. Reading it in secret only heightened the appeal.
With Lolita, Nabokov was so successful at putting the reader in the shoes of sociopathic pedophile that even he found the effect somewhat unsettling. Though it's now considered a 20th century classic, Nabokov struggled to find a publisher for the novel, and upon its release in 1955 newspaper editor John Gordon declared it "the filthiest book I have ever read."
The Country Girls
This debut novel was both popular and critically acclaimed in the United States and England. But O'Brien's frank discussion of young women's sexuality didn't go over so well in her home country of Ireland: not only did the censor ban The Country Girls, her family's parish priest publicly burned three of the few copies that did make it into the country.
The Satanic Verses
Most of the authors on this list have gotten some angry letters from offended readers, but Salman Rushdie is the only one to have a price put on his head. The Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran was so offended by what he heard about the book, especially a scene in which prostitutes dress up as the wives of a fictionalized version of Mohammed, that he issued a fatwa, declaring it Muslims' duty to kill the author, which forced Rushdie to go into hiding. Perhaps even more unsettling is how many of the British literary establishment (including John Le Carre, John Berger, and Roald Dahl) thought that Rushdie was more less getting what he deserved and agitated for the book to be pulled from shelves.
Lady Chatterly's Lover
Supposedly this novel contains an anal sex scene, though it went right over my head when I read the book in high school. Regardless, Lady Chatterly's Lover, with its enthusiastic portrayal of extramarital sex, is the most scandalous of Lawrence's many racy novels: although it was first published in 1928, the unexpurgated version of the book was banned in both the U.S. and the U.K. until the 1960s.
And Tango Makes Three
Considerably more adorable than most of the other books on this list, And Tango Makes Three still caused quite the stir when it was published. Social conservatives objected to the book's fictionalized narrative of two male penguins at the Central Park Zoo raising a baby penguin because they worried it sexualized penguins and gave children an inaccurate perspective on reproduction. (How their objections were not immediately overridden by squees I will never understand.)
Fifty Shades Of Grey
As much well-deserved mockery as Fifty Shades of Grey has come in for over the past four years, it's worth remembering that when it first came out, the book opened a new conversation about sexuality — one that may have involved your mom inquiring about fuzzy handcuffs.
This classic YA novel shocked readers in 1975 because it treated the sex lives of teenagers seriously and compassionately. Now, of course, we've moved on to Gossip Girl.
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The alternate title of this 1748 novel, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure, makes it pretty clear why people objected to the book — especially since it definitely lives up to its name. This book is wall-to wall sex, and, perhaps even more shocking (if not terribly realistic), the titular heroine actually enjoys her dissolute lifestyle and ends up wealthy and married.
Tropic Of Cancer
Like Ulysses and Lady Chatterly's Lover, Tropic of Cancer enraged 20th century moralists and brought down the wrath of censor boards. To be fair, the novel does include quotes like "I will bite your clitoris and spit out two francs," which is, y'know, pretty weird.
This novel's infamous masturbation scene, in which the titular narrator attempts to have sex with a piece of raw liver, ensured that I, at least, will never look at offal the same way again. Although the explicit descriptions of self-pleasure were quite scandalous in 1969, most of the controversy about the novel actually revolved around Roth's irreverent and often unflattering portrayal of Portnoy's Jewish identity and community, which earned him the label of a self-hating Jew.
Though plenty of the books on this list were banned, Justine(along with its companion piece Juliette) is the only one that got its author thrown in an insane asylum. Though De Sade's sexual exploits landed him in plenty of scrapes, it wasn't until Napoleon Bonaparte demanded the author of the scandalous pair of novels be imprisoned that De Sade was put away permanently.
Fear Of Flying
Notorious for introducing the concept of the "zipless fuck," Erica Jong's semi-autoibiographical novel was one of the first to seriously explore women's sexuality and caused a considerable stir when it was published in 1973. Republican Senator Jesse Helms was incensed that public funds had been used to support something "filthy and obscene" (Jong received an NEA grant of $5,000 shortly before publishing the novel), which just goes to show that old dudes yelling at a woman about government funding is a time honored tradition in Washington.
There is no such thing as fake news. Some news are just borrowed from different strings of the multiverse.
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