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Lynchburg, Virginia: Making a Girl Jealous - Dos and Don'ts
Anthony V. Gill 3390 Worley Avenue Lynchburg, VA 24504
Wouldn't it be great to have the girl you want green-eyed with envy and madly competing for you?
It'd be awesome... right?
Well, as you know, there are two sides to every coin. On the one side you have the oftentimes huge spike in attraction and investment you gain from a girl when she realizes she's jealous over you.
And on the other side... you risk becoming too aloof, too hard to get, and losing her altogether.
But, no risk, no reward, as they say. Learning how to make a girl jealous can be another mighty weapon in your seducer's arsenal. If you're not careful though, it can be a weapon you end up using with devastating effect... on yourself.
My intention here is to walk you through the mechanics of jealousy, using jealously plotlines to drive attraction and investment, and walking the tightrope between making girls chase you and sending them off ablaze in search of vengeance and validation.
As with any powerful technique, I must of course warn you... caveat emptor. Proceed here at your own discretion -- and at your own risk.
THE MECHANICS OF JEALOUSY
"Love sees sharply; hatred sees even more sharp. But jealousy sees the sharpest -- for it is love and hate at the same time."
~ Arab proverb Jealousy's a fascinating emotion. I've studied it rather closely over the course of my life -- it's a mighty changer of emotions and even life paths.
The ability to elicit strong emotions is the nuclear power of seduction: capable of lighting up a city (when used judiciously) or of razing one (when used clumsily or vengefully).
If I had to define jealousy in under 10 words, I'd define it thus:
Jealousy is wanting control where one has it not.
As such, certain kinds of individuals are more susceptible to it than others. Namely, those who like control and/or are accustomed to being in control.
You can quickly see how jealousy could be big for beautiful, high status women.
The way jealousy works is basically like this:
When someone you think ought to want you very much seems preoccupied with someone else, you begin to want to regain that person's attentions When someone you like seems preoccupied with someone else, you begin to fear losing them, and pursue them harder If you're familiar with the basic tenets of investment, it works thus: the more time, emotion, and energy you spend on something, the more invested in it you become, and the more and more highly you come to value it.
When you become jealous over a girl -- or she becomes jealous over you -- the desire to have that which you're jealous about very quickly escalates how much you value that person.
For that reason, we might say jealousy can supercharge attraction.
But there's a catch -- make someone too jealous, and she won't be able to handle not having what she wants (you), and instead will strike off to hurt you back and show you what you're missing out on by not being with her.
Obviously, the X, or horizontal, axis is the degree of jealousy; lesser to the left, greater to the right.
The vertical Y axis, though, is a little more curious: we might call it attraction, though the kinds of attraction at the opposite ends of the scale are of completely different natures: one is disinterest, while the other is disdain.
This is because of how amounts of jealousy affect people's emotions.
You might notice this isn't a standard bell curve distribution. It's a soft, gradual arc up to attraction; but a pretty precipitous drop off into the abyss of stone-hearted resentment if you go past the peak. I'll offer the disclaimer that this is based purely on my own experiences and countless anecdotes I've come across and had shared with me, but jealousy seems to work very much like this:
On the far left of the curve, a woman has no feelings about a man and he is unvalued. A little more to the right, she begins to feel some stirrings of possessiveness, and is rather invested and interested in him. At the peak of the curve, she's very possessive and jealous about him, and feels a strong degree of attraction and is given to pursuit. Past that peak though, as jealousy builds to an even greater extent, she becomes resentful and disdainful of this man, and wishes to hurt him and exact revenge -- or at the very least be rid of his presence. So actually, the two ends of the curve are qualitatively different.
The opposite of love is not hate. It's disinterest. Therefore, emotions trend increasingly strong to the right the greater the emotion gets -- but those emotions cross a threshold from being very good for the seducer to being very bad.
You can use jealousy to move women out of disinterest and into interest, and even ramp things up to the point where girls are chasing you. But you must be aware that making a girl jealous is playing with fire -- and overdoing it means there's a very good chance you might end up getting burned.
WHEN MAKING A GIRL JEALOUS BACKFIRES
I'll tell you a quick story so you know what I mean.
Back in mid-2006, when I was still pretty green, I was going through a phase of seeing how fast I could physically escalate with girls in nightclubs. I was getting two-minute make-outs and that sort of thing. It wasn't particularly effective at getting girls to come home with me, but it was fun.
One girl I met one night I had on the dance floor with me and had my hands under her bra and in her panties within seven minutes of meeting her, and we were making out heavily.
"I have a really interesting ceiling at home," I told her. "I think you should come see it."
"Okay," she said. We headed for the door, but just as we were about to exit, her friends appeared out of nowhere to snatch her away. "Call me!" she cried.
I called her and texted her a few times the next week, but of course, she didn't answer my calls and she didn't text back.
The very next weekend, however, I ran into her and three of her girlfriends at the very same nightclub. She seemed only lukewarm toward me, so I decided to get her friends attracted to me. I'd run a jealousy plotline.
I started talking to her friends, and they all liked me. Soon she warmed up to me too. She even began competing for my attention. But, I decided to really ramp up her attraction, and largely ignored her to continue talking to her friends. This went on for about ten minutes -- but, then, I noticed she'd stopped paying me any attention. So at last, I turned my focus onto her.
She was ice cold.
"You know," she told me, "if you like someone, you should try talking to her." Then she turned and walked off, and I didn't ever see her again.
I'd overdone the jealousy and sent her into auto-rejection.
I've seen scads of guys doing this again and again. A friend of mine was doing it quite a lot, recently; he's a pretty cool and sexy guy, and he was already getting pretty solid attraction from girls, but he just felt like he always needed more, so he'd spin off from girls to go meet new girls to show the ones whom he'd been talking to previously how strong and successful and non-needy and desirable he was.
And it just kept on backfiring on him. The girls who were crazy about him earlier would end up making out with other guys in front of him, even going home with other guys, sometimes while staring at him explicitly as if to say, "This is what you're missing out on."
He did such a good job creating jealousy in these girls that he pushed them past that ledge, and they descended rapidly into auto-rejection. Filled with resentment, they did whatever they could to show him the error of his ways.
"I don't get it," he remarked, "these girls seem to really like me, and then they just act so cold and heartless later on!"
I pointed out to him that their actions were actually reactions to his actions, and he started scaling back the jealousy he'd previously been inspiring so much of. The change he saw was more or less immediate -- as soon as he took it a little easier on the jealousy plotlines.
WHEN MAKING A GIRL JEALOUS WORKS
I'll tell you one more story.
I was out one night in a lounge with a group of people, including a girl I'd slept with a few weeks earlier who was all over me at the lounge, and another girl I was interested in. A tall, beautiful girl I'd told to come showed up just as I was leaving with some of that group, and stroked my face lustily as I walked out.
At the next party I and some of the folks from that lounge ended up at, I turned things around with a girl who earlier was ice cold to me (she ended up giving me her phone number), all the while chatting up another girl who was cute but seemed more or less indifferent to me and had been there at the lounge earlier and come with us all to the party.
About 2 AM, I got a phone call from that tall, beautiful girl asking me to come to her apartment, but I, in my drunken stupor, instantly forgot her address and asked her to repeat it, and she, worried I'd get in an accident, refused to give it to me again. We debated my drunkenness for about 30 minutes on the phone, but I never did manage to get her to repeat her address.
Meanwhile, that cute, indifferent girl had born witness to all of this, me charming one girl after another, and gradually warmed up to me more and more. After I got off the phone with the girl who'd invited me to her apartment, I had another drink with the formerly indifferent girl -- and then we went back to my place and I took her to bed.
Her seeing me with those other girls shook her out of her apathy for me, and made her start seeing me as somebody desirable to be with. At the beginning of the night, I'd been at the far left of the scale -- not valued.
But on the weight primarily of a handful of jealousy plotlines throughout the night (with a little deep diving on the side), I moved up to somewhere between somewhat interested and intensely interested, and we ended up becoming lovers. I doubt I would've ended up with that particular girl without the attention from the other girls I received before her.
So, as it turns out, while making a girl jealous can be dangerous, it can also be highly beneficial toward your seductions. Because of that, this is something to play around with as a beginner, and something to really look to implement at least somewhat seriously once you're at an intermediate level.
HOW TO MAKE A GIRL JEALOUS Usually I try to stay away from posting anything that might remotely be construed as "being manipulative." I like to operate from the light side of the force whenever and wherever possible.
This is just one of those things though that there's really no way I can talk about it without sounding like I'm telling guys to be manipulative, though. Ah well. Can't win 'em all.
In any event, before anyone starts pointing fingers about it, compare these Google searches:
"how to make her jealous": 19,900,000 results "how to make HIM jealous": 43,600,000 results Ladies, if you don't want us talking about this, all I can say here is... you started it.
Women are the masters of jealousy plotlines. Most of what I know about how to make someone else jealous I learned from watching club queens who were experts at working the nightclub scene. Girls are good at this; it's one of their premiere social control tools.
As they say though, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and what works here for women works for men as well.
What's great is, we can sift it all down to a few essential steps to get you off and running and get girls going a little crazier for you and chasing you a little harder. So, without any further ado, here's how to make a girl jealous:
Talk to her a little first to wet her appetite. It's very difficult to make a girl jealous who's never met you before. She has to at least know who you are and like you a little bit (usually) before a jealousy plotline begins to kick in. Banter with her a bit, build some rapport, and generally just be your usual attractive self for at least a few minutes. Make subtle, casual conversation with a girl near her. The keys here are threefold: subtle, casual, and near her. These keys are essential to minding the Law of Least Effort and ensuring that your social maneuverings appear effortless and natural. I made the mistakes early on of awkwardly shifting gears to talk to new women, or striking out to search the entire venue for another girl to meet, often out of eye- and ear-shot, which didn't do very much for inspiring jealousy. Again, mind the subtlety. This one is important enough that I'm listing it out here again. What just about every guy does wrong here is make his flirting with a girl overt. But if she liked you when you talked earlier, flirting overtly is almost always going to be too much. You'll trigger too much jealousy in her, and push her into auto-rejection. Women aren't superheroes; they feel jealousy and uncertainty and worry just like everyone else. Letting her see you talking to another girl is more than enough most of the time; she doesn't need to see the two of you becoming bosom buddies too. Make it short. This is another common mistake, and one I was as guilty of as anyone else: turning a jealousy plotline into a full-blown seduction. You're trying to move things forward with Girl A, not Girl B. Don't lose sight of which girl you're there for. Get in, make some casual conversation with Girl B, and then, after four or five minutes, end it and get back to the girl you're there for. Too much longer and you risk losing her. One of the credos I live by when it comes to meeting and succeeding with women is "keep your eye on the ball," and that's just as important when it comes to making girls jealous as it is with anything else. Run your jealousy plotline, but don't forget the main reason you're there -- to move things forward with the girl you like. And you can't do that while you're talking with someone else.
So, don't be afraid to use jealousy as a tool with girls who are only lukewarm in their interest to you, but be very careful about overdoing it with girls who already like you.
In fact, that's your top indicator for when to use jealousy and when not to:
Use jealousy with girls who are lukewarm or not all that interested in you or invested Don't use it with girls who already like you a lot. Instead, focus on moving things forward with those girls with speed and decisiveness Stick to that plan, and you'll be a heart-stealing, jealousy-inspiring lady killer in no time. Just remember that it's staying on the tightrope that makes all the difference.
The patriarchy as political system is defined as rule by benevolent mature men. It has a proven track record in history. And you can't get anything better than it.
East Fairfield, Vermont: Germany - the world's capital of penis enlargement
Ramiro S. Destefano 879 Hardman Road East Fairfield, VT 05448
One in five surgeries takes place in Germany, according to data released by plastic surgeons. Find out what other aesthetic operations are popular worldwide
It seems that spam emails inviting men to try increasing the size of their member would be best targeted to addresses ending in .de.
According to the latest data release by the International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ISAPS), there were 2,786 operations estimated to have taken place in Europe’s biggest country - which is more than in any other nation.
The organisation estimates that there were 15,414 of these operations performed worldwide so almost one in five of those seeking to add centimetres to their member were in Germany.
It is not a huge amount of men deciding to have an intimate nip and tuck in Germany - it’s roughly eight out of every 100,000 adult males usually resident in the country. However, only Venezuela, where four out of every 100,000 adult males have a penis enlargement operation, comes anywhere near close to the German rate.
It’s worth pointing out here that the figures are not broken down by the nationality of the patient so it’s not necessarily German men or people that live there going for the procedure.
The German Centre for Urology and Phalloplasty Surgery claims to have performed over 6,000 penis enlargements (be warned there are graphic pictures available on the site). They claim to be able to enhance the length of the member by 3-6cm and the girth by 2-3cm. The cost of the operation? €9,600 (including materials and ancillary costs).
The growing trend for penis enlargement was noticed back in 2011 by English language site The Local. They reported the president of the German Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery as saying that the surgery was now the seventh most popular type of aesthetic operation for men in the country.
The ISAPS data is not broken down by gender for each nation so the relative popularity of penile enlargement is not quite clear.
Breast augmentation the most popular surgery worldwide Taking a broader look at the data, there were more breast enhancement operations than any other surgical procedure worldwide last year. 18% of these took place in the United States.
The other procedures that are thought to have taken place over a million times were:
Liposuction (1.6m) - where fat is removed from the body Eyelid surgery (1.4m) - the removal of fat or skin from around the eye area Lipostructure/lipofilling (1m) - where parts of fat from the rest of the body are used to reshape the patients body (the count includes stem enhanced lipofilling) In total, there were an estimated 11.6m aesthetic surgical procedures that took place worldwide in 2013.
South American countries the most likely to have plastic surgery ISAPS collected the data using survey responses from 1,567 plastic surgeons. They were able to get counts for 96% of the total number of practitioners using national societies worldwide, which allowed them to project total worldwide numbers using these survey responses.
However, 1,567 is still a small sample size and they were only able to provide data breakdowns for the ten countries performing the most plastic surgery.
If you take the total number of procedures and adjust it by the country’s population in 2013 then Venezuela was the place where people were most likely to have had plastic surgery.
If you take a random sample of 1,000 Venezuelans, eight are likely to have had a surgical operation in 2013. Fellow South American countries Brazil and Colombia came second and third respectively for popularity per capita.
In terms of raw numbers, the most operations worldwide took place in this year’s World Cup host Brazil. The largest South American country had 1.5m operations in 2013, which is more than one in ten of all procedures worldwide.
However, when you factor in non-surgical operations such as botox then the US regains the top spot with almost 4m non-surgical and surgical procedures combined compared to 2.1m in runner up Brazil.
Update: 13.30pm The piece was rectified to make clear that it was not necessarily German men having the procedure but the operations took place in Germany.
Atlanta, Georgia: Pedophiles, JK, AKB48 and Trolls
James T. Plant 1120 Stroop Hill Road Atlanta, GA 30303
Few thing we have written, gathered as many responses as: In Japan, Teenage Girls Folding Paper Cranes Has Taken on a Whole New Meaning. The article is a companion piece to the VICE Documentary, “Schoolgirls For Sale” which examines Japan’s weird and creepy industry that makes money off the backs of high school girls and boys.
The response from readers to both the English article and the Japanese translation of the article was tremendous. We are not saying that if you’re an AKB48 fan that you’re a pedophile. We are using the band as a means of discussing the endemic and exploitive nature of the JK Business. Maybe if you really are fans of these girls, you should lean on the management to pay them better and ensure they have a decent life after their youth is misspent. Two trolls in particular have jumped all over the article—the two trolls seem to be a team. I usually ignore them but since they seem intent on defaming my co-worker I’ll address them briefly. I know you’re not supposed to feed the trolls, but sometimes I feel like stuffing their mouths with information until they choke on it. (Trolls: please confine your spiteful attacks to me in the future. Thank you)
In the journalist community we know them as Creepy Johnson and Creepec for their habit of harassing other journalists, especially women. Creepy Johnson began harassing me in 2011 after I failed to respond to his demand that I clear his name. (He had been denied entry into Japan). He writes to every publication I work for hassling my editors; he harasses and stalks anyone who he thinks might be my friend, especially if they’re female.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, by not naming in him the first time I dealt with him, because it’s standard journalism policy in Japan to shield the names of the possibly mentally ill, but he outed himself anyway. I’m not giving these two the attention they crave by using their real names or twitter handles. If you want to find them, you can.
Creepy Johnson, the top half of the duo, is infamous for getting fired from Japan’s Public Broadcaster NHK, after threatening to sexually molest the children (boy and girl) of another reporter there. He left a recording on the answering machine—a not very brilliant move. Here’s an excerpt:
By all means, do go and tell your side of the story to them, motherfucker.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I heard that your daughter gives really good head… and so does your son. Hey, I wanted to hear if your children are getting a good sleep because… when you get fired, and I get fired, you’re going to have to put your kids out of international school and into Japanese school and I’ll be waiting for them. (2007)
So Creepec, who apparently approves of his idol’s behavior sent me a list of questions demanding answers, for an “article” he’s writing. The letter is very much like one Creepy Johnson sent me years ago. I bring up the association between these two because I feel like it’s important to understand the motives of the trolls. And wow, these guys are persistent. The questions themselves are nasty and unpleasant and belittle the efforts of a friend and co-writer. This really makes me angry. But okay, here are my brief answers. Q & A with a troll.
1). Did VICE fact check your work in any way? Yes.* *Journalism 101. If you ask a “yes/no” question, you will get a “yes/no” answer more often than not.
2. What was Angela Kubo’s contribution to this piece? Does she have any significant journalistic experience? Is she a 23 year old full-time employee of an accounting firm who you hired when she was working at a bar in Roppongi
Angela Kubo was an assistant editor at the Diplomat when I hired her to work for me and she was paid a good salary in a time when many interns work for free. She had graduated from college. She writes for The Japan Times and is a very talented young bilingual writer. This means she can read Japanese, something you don’t seem able to do. Her former boss Jeff Quigley certainly vouched for her work (see his full comments below) and also, as I do, finds your insinuations cheap and low. He is angry with your underhanded smears. Unless you’re a rich kid, you have to work to pay your way through college. She did not work at “a bar in Roppongi.” She worked at an event space that serves food and drinks. I won’t name the restaurant because you’ll simply harass them. “Roppongi bar-girl”– you seem to be making some sly allusion that she was doing something shady. That’s mean-spirited. She is just starting her career but has been writing for two years. She writes ten times better than Creepy Johnson did at the peak of his self-destructive career. For the article, she read books and numerous articles on AKB48, in Japanese, did research on the group in Japanese, proof-read for grammatical mistakes, and reached out for comments. Angela Kubo is also a Japanese-American woman who understands both cultures and went to high school in Japan. She is uniquely qualified to comment on the JK Business and how it generates problems for all women in Japan.
Where she works now is not something I feel would be acceptable to divulge to someone who I believe is a cyber stalker. Nice fishing attempt. Also: creepy question.
3. Do you feel it is fair to label the manager of AKB48 as having yakuza connections based on only rumor. Would you, for example, accuse Katy Perry’s manager of being tied to the mob if you heard such a story and were writing for an American publication? When weekly magazine Shukan Shincho reported on AKB48 management past ties to the yakuza, no one was surprised. The JK Business is a seedy con game and who knows how to run one better than former criminal associates & loan sharks? When weekly magazine Shukan Shincho reported on AKB48 management past ties to the yakuza, no one was surprised. The JK Business is a seedy con game and who knows how to run one better than former criminal associates & loan sharks? I’m not a Katy Perry expert. It’s not based on rumour. See a portion of the article on this page in Japanese. There are photos. There is HUMINT from the police force. I have a list of 800 former members of the Goto-gumi and spent months nagging at them until I found some that confirmed the photos and explained to me what they knew of the AKB48 management’s past relation to organized crime. I did the same with police sources. The management has never sued the magazine or other publications for making these allegations.There are several other sources related to this. If I have time, I may put a list of them here. They are not all on-line. Some of them only exist as books and printed materials. Yep. I have written about AKB48’s unsavoury ties in 財界展望 in Japanese and haven’t been sued yet. What else would you like? A signed confession from the management?
4. I don’t see any evidence that you actually interviewed a girl from the sex trade or a cop. Why would you expect me to believe you? Jason Blair fabricated stories. How is this piece diffeemet from one of his that got him fired.
In journalism, we don’t reveal our sources, especially if they are police officers. Or if they are victims of certain crimes which still carry a social stigma, such as rape or sexual assault. This is why VICE blurred out the faces of the women they interviewed. It is not difficult to interview women who have been in the JK business. It’s done all the time. We do it at Lighthouse, a non-profit organization in Japan.
I don’t really get your Jason Blair question but let’s take your logic and ask you a question. Your friend threatens to sexually molest children and stalks women. Since you have never publicly disavowed him, why should I believe you are any different and not a sexually perverse, potentially harmful individual? What proof do you have that you are not?
Also, you misspelled “different”. 5. Many claim that you were mainly used for fluff pieces at the Yomiuri but you claim you were on the crime beat. What is your response.
Who is many? You and Creepy Johnson? I was at the Yomiuri Shimbun from 1993 to 2005. I was in the 警視庁記者クラブ for nearly two years. Go to G-Search and look for articles written under my name. Most reporters don’t get by-lines but I wrote several feature pieces where I was credited. I have contributed to books on crime in Japan written while I was at the newspaper.
Try doing some research. You may have to take time and money to do it and translate it but be my guest. I have a real job. I’m not going to do your work for you. I have no idea what the hell you do for a living or why you have such a man-crush on me and why you seem to be a sexist creeper who is overly sensitive to being made fun of. ߘ！
PS. “Japan has one of the worst levels of gender equality in the developed world, below that of Tajikistan and Indonesia, coming in 104th out of 142 assessed countries in 2014, according to a study released Tuesday by the World Economic Forum.” That’s from a Japan Times article. You can find the original study if you like. It’s very hard for women here to break into any profession. So when white self-entitled elitists like yourself ridicule young women here trying to make it as journalists because 1) they didn’t go to journalism school 2) they worked at an event space (that served drinks) to pay their college tuition and 3) imply they must be using their looks to get work—and ignore their efforts, the articles they have written, and their past experience just for the sake of trolling–you discourage other young women from entering our profession. And that’s unfortunate.
It’s condescending and sexist attitudes like yours that encourage women and girls to go into the JK Business in the first place, because they are made to believe that they will never be taken seriously or valued for their intellect and ability. Shame on you. 恥を知れ.
The Spanish masturbation expert Fran Sanchez Oria argues: "Masturbating for great sexual health… can increase your testosterone levels, specially when combined with ejaculation edging. I could probably make another post just on this, but in a nutshell if you masturbate until you are close to climax then stop, and repeat several times, your testosterone levels will build up significantly." Caught with his pants down, Fran Sanchez Oria (subsequently removed the page, but a printscreen is here and here.
Irvine, California: A woman tells her story - ‘Why did you cut my clitoris?’
William E. Cumming 1859 Parkview Drive Irvine, CA 92664
Female genital mutilation is a widespread practice globally. One woman tells Rappler her experience and how she has never achieved an orgasm because of her circumcision.
JAKARTA, Indonesia – When Mary* was in elementary school, a male classmate was circumcised.
He received gifts from friends as a form of congratulations, prompting Mary to tell her mother when she got home, “I should get circumcised, Mom. I can get a lot of money.”
Her mother’s response was not what she expected.
“You’re already circumcised,” her mother said.
“I didn't know that. When?"
“When you were a newborn.”
Mary recalls walking away from that conversation thinking everyone got the procedure done – females at birth, males perhaps when they were a little older.
But it wasn’t until later that Mary understood the meaning of the conversation she had with her mother.
Mary is one of 200 million women worldwide who have undergone female genital mutilation (FGM). The number, according to a new report from UNICEF, is 70 million higher than what was reported in 2014.
While the top 10 countries with the highest prevalence of FGM from 2004-2015 is in Africa, the data shows that the increase is partly due to population growth and new data collected in Indonesia.
Indonesia, with its population of 250 million people, is one of 3 countries that account for half of all FGM victims in the world, along with Egypt and Ethiopia.
Cutting the clitoris
It was in junior high school when Mary first realized that female circumcision was not a regular practice.
In conversation with her girl friends, Mary learned that not everyone had undergone the procedure as a baby – even if all of them were Muslim.
First, she started to argue about how it was an obligation in their religion, as she had always thought it was, but becoming more curious, decided to read more on the matter.
She started reading books on sexual and reproductive health, studying photos of vaginas. She learned about the clitoris – and realized she didn’t have one.
Soon after, she read a book about female circumcision in Arab culture, including books by Moroccan feminist Fatima Mernissi, which thoroughly addressed and denounced female circumcision.
“I read the book and learned that the practice was one of many ways to control women. One way was through circumcision,” she told Rappler.
According to UNICEF, FGM includes all procedures “that involve altering or injuring the female genitalia for non-medical reasons.” It is a practice recognized internationally as a violation of human rights of girls and women, with February 6 being the International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation.
Even within Indonesia, the practice differs in various regions.
Secretary General of the Women's Coalition Dian Kartika Sari said the culture of female circumcision in each region is different.
"There is not just one cut," she told Rappler on Friday, January 8.
In the island of Madura for example, the clitoris is cut. In other regions, the feeling on the clitoris is “killed” by slicing off a small part, but it is not completely cut off. He also said it is still practiced in some urban areas.
In 2010, the Ministry of Health released a regulation that authorized certain medical professionals, such as doctors, midwives and nurses, to perform circumcision on female patients. The technical details of circumcision was even mentioned in the regulations: "Make a scratch on the skin that covers the front of the clitoris by using the tip of a disposable sterile needle, measuring 20G-22G of the mucosa toward the skin without injuring the clitoris” said article 4, paragraph 2.
The regulation was repealed by the Deputy Minister of Health Ali Ghufron Mukti soon after.
Because while FGM is widely practiced in Indonesia, many others in the country do denounce FGM as a violation of rights. According to UNICEF, FGM violates women’s and girls’ “right to health, security and physical integrity, their right to be free from torture and cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment, and their right to life when the procedure results in death.”
For Mary, one of the rights taken from her was her sexual rights – at 33, Mary has never experienced an orgasm in her life.
She was first sexually active in college and is now married. But without a clitoris, Mary said she has never experienced an orgasm, a feeling her friends describe as “much like flying.”
“I can never relate when they talk about it,” she said. “It makes me sad.”
Mary said the books she read said women find it difficult to enjoy sex without a clitoris, admitting that she is unsure if her problem is psychological or physical.
Mary said the problem has caused stress for not just herself but for her husband, who for 5 years tried various ways to help her orgasm – but to no avail. She said she views sex now, as “just a waste of time,” describing her sex as “mediocre.”
There are two main reasons parents have their daughters undergo FGM in Indonesia: the first is religious, as many Muslims here believe that female circumcision is an Islamic requirement, or at the very least, is highly recommended in Islam. This is despite the fact that no formal links between Islam and FGM exist, and that no Islamic laws or Quranic verses speak of FGM, let alone make it a requirement.
Even Fatayat NU, the women's division of Nahdlatul Ulama, Indonesia's largest Islamic organization, have acknowledged that FGM is not mentioned in the Quran and is simply a cultural product.
The second reason FGM is popular in Indonesia is because it is believed to reduce women's sexual desire and libido.
This belief is widely held. All parents obviously want their children to live the best lives possible, and for most Indonesian parents, this includes no sex before marriage. In today's hypersexualized world, Indonesian parents would do all they could to ensure their children are safe from the risks of “seks bebas” or premarital sex.
Female genital cutting is believed by some to be one way of achieving this. Without it, it is thought, girls will become sexually aggressive and will actively pursue “undesirable” sexual relationships.
Previously furious at her parents who asked that doctors circumcise her and her sister upon birth, Mary has since accepted her fate – and the fact that the effects of FGM is something she will have to live with for the rest of her life.
Mary said her parents were apologetic when she first confronted them about it, saying she was born in an Islamic hospital where it was common practice. Her parents, she told Rappler, didn’t know better.
UNICEF data shows Mary’s experience is not that unique. Data shows that parents are the ones who ask for circumcision for their children the most, followed by religious leaders, relatives, and community leaders.
Even today, many in Indonesia think FGM is still a necessity. Sari said many community leaders still preach FGM which is one reason why the practice still exists in Indonesia. It is also still a widespread myth that FGM has health benefits.
However there is no evidence that FGM affects cleanliness or vaginal health. Claims that urine and genital secretions accumulate and fester in the vulva, vagina or urethra have no medical backing. FGM does not reduce chances of urinary tract infections or infections of the reproductive system. Instead, data shows FGM causes risks to health.
Research reveals that FGM is carried out mostly on young girls between infancy and age 15. The procedure can cause severe bleeding and health issues like cysts, infections, infertility and complications in childbirth, with the increased risk of newborn deaths.
Mary, who now understands that FGM has had zero positive impact on her life, now advocates against the practice. She tells colleagues and other women to avoid the practice in their daughters.
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Union Bridge, Maryland: Father 'driven to suicide after he was wrongly accused of being a paedophile on Facebook'
George M. Morgan 3936 Woodhill Avenue Union Bridge, MD 21791
The grieving family of a man found hanged in a cemetery claim he was driven to suicide following paedophile accusations on Facebook.
Steven Rudderham, 48, was traumatised when his name, address and photograph were published online, along with a message calling him a 'dirty perv' and claiming he was a paedophile.
Within 15 minutes, the message had been shared hundreds of times and the bricklayer from Hull, East Yorkshire, began receiving death threats on Facebook, an inquest heard.
He was found hanged in the city's Hessle cemetery three days later.
Mr Rudderham's daughter Bethany Beaumont, 19, said: 'They've destroyed an innocent life for no reason.
'It was disgusting. It was slander.'
His mother Carol Matthews said: 'I want to know why someone did something like that. I hope they rot in hell. It took a person's life. We will never get over it.'
Police have confirmed they are considering an investigation into the Facebook posts in the days leading up to Mr Rudderham's death. A Humberside Police spokeswoman said no one had made any allegations of a sexual nature against him.
Yesterday's inquest heard Mr Rudderham was working towards examinations as a building site manager before the internet accusations.
He normally saw Ms Beaumont every day and she realised immediately the profound effect the paedophile accusations had on him.
She said: 'He just couldn't believe it. He was just looking at the wall and he wouldn't eat. It was like someone had ripped his life apart.'
Mr Rudderham was afraid of walking the streets in case he was spotted and decided to stay with his daughter to prevent him being targeted at his home.
Ms Beaumont told the Hull inquest even people who had known her father for years joined in the cyber bullying.
She said: 'There were people who had known him for years commenting on it, he was so upset. I had never seen him like that.
'He stayed at my house that night because of what the comments were saying, about people coming to his house and smashing it up.'
On Saturday, January 26, his body was found by a member of the public.
Police were called at about 2pm but Mr Rudderham was pronounced dead at the scene.
A memory stick was recovered on his body and police have also seized a computer hard drive.
Mr Rudderham had discussed giving police a memory stick with evidence about the accusations on it in the days before his death.
Mr Rudderham's mother was told of her son's death on her birthday and puts the blame solely on her son's Facebook accusers.
She said: 'I went berserk when I found out what had happened, he didn't want to stay in his house because he was frightened.'
Mr Rudderham's family say he served time in HMP Hull in 2010 for fighting but had no convictions for sex offences.
Dr Latifu Sanni was also told about the paedophile accusations made against Mr Rudderham before he carried out the post-mortem.
The inquest heard there had been no evidence of medical depression in the months before his death. No drugs and no significant amounts of alcohol were found by a post-mortem.
The inquest was attended by his family, including his mother and stepfather David Matthews, his sister Lisa Elm and daughters Bethany, Anna and Danielle Beaumont.
Recording a verdict of suicide, Coroner Paul Marks said: 'The medical cause of death was hanging.
'He was actively pursuing a qualification to improve his status and job prospects. In the last few days of his life, he received a pejorative message on a social networking site which greatly troubled him.'
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Sunbright, Tennessee: Why 'Lolita' Remains Shocking, And A Favorite
Clyde M. Stuart 1394 Raver Croft Drive Sunbright, TN 37872
Asking a fiction writer to recommend his favorite book is a little like asking a father to pick his favorite child, like asking an adulterer to name his favorite lover. The writer will hem and haw, the father will equivocate, the adulterer will say he loves them all the same, just in different ways. Of course, we're lying. We all have a favorite: She stood "four foot ten in one sock." "She was Lola in slacks. She was Lo, plain Lo in the morning." But in our arms she will always be Lolita.
Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov's immaculate and disturbing masterpiece, is the story of middle-aged Humbert Humbert and his tragic love affair with his 12-year-old, bubble-gum popping stepdaughter Dolores "Lolita" Haze. It's a post-war road novel, the odyssey of a venerable European man and a prepubescent American girl bouncing across the United States, trying to outrun the past and find a future that doesn't exist. The prose is by turns passionate and playful, while the narrative is simultaneously lyrical and unsettling and erotic and violent — did I mention that, in addition to being a child molester, Humbert is also a murderer? It's a kind of inverted detective story: You immediately know someone's been killed, but have to wait to find out who. The book, which can be viewed as an allegory for Europe's relationship with America, offers a depiction of love that is as patently original as it is brutally shocking.
More shocking, though, is the reaction the author somehow manages to elicit from his readers: empathy. Readers always read, I think, out of a tremendous curiosity about other human beings, we're looking for another soul on the page, and that's what Nabokov has so fearlessly, so complexly, so gorgeously given us. In a lesser writer's hands, we could easily dismiss Mr. Humbert as a monster, but Nabokov denies us that all-too comfortable option. Even if we would never condone his vain and deadly infatuation, we understand it. We're complicit in his sins, and our complicity is seductive and terrifying. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury... look at this tangle of thorns."
To be sure, this novel isn't for the faint of heart, but neither should prospective readers retreat to any kind of moral high ground. Nabokov, in fact, threads an unexpected and affirming emotional serenity through his portrait of obsession. His enigmatic narrator leaves us in spellbound rapture. Because for all of its linguistic pyrotechnics — as Humbert confesses, "you can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style" — and for all its controversial subject matter, Lolita is one of the most beautiful love stories you'll ever read. It may be one of the only love stories you'll ever read. This is the most thrilling and beautiful and most deeply disturbing aspect of the novel — and it's what most persuasively recommends the book — that in addition to finding Humbert's soul on the page, we also find, like it or not, a little of our own.
Why is sex so important? Because sex builds an immortal individual soul.
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